Question: Just how do you know when it’s been way too long since you’ve last blogged?
Answer: When you have trouble getting into your own blog because you’ve forgotten your user name and password!
As I sat looking at the blank page and blinking cursor thinking what to contribute to cyberspace today, the thought that came was this. The post that gets the most traffic on my blog is the one about eliminating anxious thoughts. Maybe I should take this topic for another spin, I thought.
As a matter of fact, I was just yesterday speaking to a friend on that very topic. And I do have recent experience in this area, thanks to the contributions to my life from an old bo’, whose actions (and inactions) enable me to enter black holes and come out the other side from time to time–although it’s been years, I’ve just gone through another one! I said that pretty diplomatically, don’t you think? It’s all true though; dishonesty is not my forte.
Anyway, what I was saying to that friend (and this isn’t a new observation by any means) had to do with logic versus emotions. Interestingly enough, just this week I watched that newest Star Trek movie, and that’s the theme with the character Spock–logic versus emotions. The point I’m trying to make is that we can know things logically, yet emotionally it can be a whole other story. And all in the same moment we can experience both simultaneously. Humans are actually pretty amazing in that way, don’t you think?
I’m referring to emotional triggers or what the teacher/writer/philosopher Eckhart Tolle calls the “pain body”. Our logic can work on one level but when the trigger gets hit, logic goes out the window and a flood of emotion comes forward and suddenly its a whole new ball game.
I like that I just used the word “game” at the end of that last sentence. Ever notice how the miliary uses that word too? War games! They even use the word “theatre” when it comes to war strategy, as in “theatre of operations”. All of this alludes to the drama that it is! Of course, in the military theatre of war, feelings/emotions are necessarily temporarily repressed in order to achieve outcome, but as we all know what is supressed comes up and out eventually (maybe even in the next life, if not this one). And, then, by the time it does, these repressed emotions are usually very distorted.
Maybe that’s what happens to all of us over many lifetimes. And if you don’t buy into the theory of reincarnation, call it ancestral DNA if it fits better with your consciousness, but we all know babies born to the same family within the same few moments (twins) are immediately so different in their reactions to life. Different prior life soul experiences (reincarnational baggage) accounts for this.
So we all come in with the “stuff” of prior lives–experiences. And of course if we look at the history of just this one planet and consider that many of us have been here before, look at the horrendous history of humanity and the atrocities we’ve committed upon one another. Use war as one example but in daily human interactions, do we not have a history(millions of years) of wounding one another emotionally (not to mention physically)? Is it no wonder humanity is sometimes called the “walking wounded” in soul terms?
So, it should be no surprise that even though we may have read every holy book available, studied the teachings of many spiritual masters, or even possess the supra-logic of a “Mister Spock”, we still get triggered from time to time emotionally. (That is, unless we’re completely emotionally supressed.) Anyway, that’s life. Head versus heart: that age-old theme.
What do we do when we’re triggered then? How do we manage it? The head says one thing and the heart… the heart still feels the emotion nonetheless. And I hear this from people all the time and I’ve even said it myself and it goes something like, “I thought I was over that, done with that, finished with that and here I am with all these feelings again… triggered, feeling that old pain again. I thought that I learned this ‘lesson’ and was done with it! I thought I’d moved on!”
I think the first thing to mention here is that we can be very hard on ourselves; especially those of us who are trying to be conscious and aware of effecting our soul’s evolution. We need to give ourselves a break; that’s the first thing.
Our logic can tell us that we’ve dealt with these feelings but the wound is speaking a whole other language–it still hurts when we’re emotionally triggered.
The second thing is to realize that this is all it is, an emotional trigger–no more, no less. And, while it’s a bit of a reach for some of us, if we can feel compassion for our self at that moment and gratitude to the other soul who triggered us, we’re moving in the right direction.
That’s what soul mates do for us, don’t you know that? Sometimes when I hear people say, “When will I find my soul mate?”, I think something like be careful what you wish for! That’s what soul mates do for us… they shake up our souls!
Gradually, as we remain awake and in awareness, we may see that the very same trigger occurs one day, just as it did 5 or 10 years ago, doesn’t hurt as long. The heart and psyche recovers more expediently. We’re over it faster–it doesn’t take as much time to recover as before.
That, I think, is how we can mark our progress and I think we do need to mark our soul’s progress in these ways; otherwise, without being re-triggered emotionally from time-to-time how would we know we’re evolving? This is why feeling gratitude to the soul who triggered us ( a big step ) is in proper order. It releases karma!
Meanwhile, the wound re-opened has a tendency to use up all our attention, pulling us into the black hole of its center. I’ve thought about that black hole at the center of the emotional pain. Do we give into it willingly or fight it? Or can we even fight it in the first place? You know what they say about black holes don’t you?
Once you get close to them they pull you in–using a line from Star Trek, “Resistance is Futile!” Can we go through that black hole and come out in a whole new world, stranger and perhaps even more beautiful than the writers of Star Trek could even imagine? A whole new reality! A completely new world!
Do we call it transformation? Sounds like a Pluto thing… the Phoenix rising from the ashes! Death and rebirth!
Can we die to the pain, the emotional trigger, allow ourselves to feel it completely and fully and then come out on the other side, reborn? I think so, I have.
So many times people don’t want to feel; they think it’s bad or wrong. Let’s be practical, who wants to hurt? Who wants to feel insecure, naked in the winter of a cold dark night? So we go into avoidance behaviors so we can repress what we feel–some may drink or take drugs; anything not to feel. Some may lash out at others, “I’m hurting and you should hurt too!”
But some have the courage not to resist the black hole and remain awake and aware through the process; going deep into one’s center, into the darkness, into the black hole of the wound that’s been triggered, so that they can enter a new reality and be reborn.
Yet, it seems that we’ve always been encouraged by parents and society’s authority figures not to cry, not to feel, to conform, to behave, to discipline ourselves and be good little people without feelings. Even fundamental new age teachers tell us to do that… i.e. only let the love and light in and supress the rest; deny the pain or you’re not spiritual.
“Good little christians and good little white-lighters smile and bow and pretend nothing’s ever wrong inside”.
They tell us that we have to always be in peace, love and harmony; otherwise we’ve failed somehow–we’ve fallen. These are, I believe, classic examples of narrow-minded christian and new age expressions of spirit versus flesh. We’re here to merge the two–not to keep them separated. All this talk of new age “ascension” is about this kind of thing and when I hear about the space ships will be landing to save us from our pain, that’s when I really laugh! It is we alone who can do that by dealing with the emotional body, not suppressing it. I think that’s why we experience so many distortions on this planet–because we’ve supressed dealing with the emotional part of ourselves.
All it takes is simple awareness… there’s the pain body, there’s the emotional wound being re-triggered… let me take the next step toward healing… let me not avoid feeling by engaging in suppressive type behaviors… let me go into the depth and then let me come out the other side and be reborn into that new and amazing reality beyond that which the writers of Star Trek haven’t even yet imagined… let me be reborn!
And, on a final note, having gone both ways at various times in my life, visa vi personal experience, I can tell you that we get through it all much quicker when we stop resisting and allow ourselves to go right through that black hole of the wound.
Some people go through years (decades or even a whole life!) of depression, feeling hopeless and sad. That is, I believe, a demonstration of the resistance to moving through it with eyes open and being willing to feel the acuteness of the pain.
For myself, I’d rather have a few sleepless nights or weeks and a few tears or even a small lake of them than go into a catatonic state of depression/drug use or alcoholism that could last for many years or a lifetime.
We would be, I believe, doing ourselves a huge favor by counteracting the ideology that states that you are not “good” or “spiritual” if you feel emotional pain from time to time. That’s crap, pure and simple. It doesn’t mean we’ve failed in any way, shape or form if we have an old wound re-triggered; it’s only a mile marker showing us how far we’ve come and yes, perhaps how far yet we still have to go.
I’ve asked myself if I will ever stop being re-triggered. Will the wound ever fully and completely heal? I’m not certain that I have all the answers to this, but I do believe that at least I have the courage to see it for what it really is and to not to be afraid of it or think of myself a failure because of it. And each time I choose not to turn away from it, I move through it much quicker. The pain is deeper, more acute, but not as long-lasting.
I’m learning about myself, about life, about The Divine, about other souls every single time it happens and so I’m not afraid of evolution and growth. Do I like pain? Of course not–I’m not a masochist! I just realize that the less I fight it and the less I beat myself up for experiencing it, the more I grow, learn and evolve.
And again, visa vi personal experience, I can tell you that it is oh so beautiful on the other side of that black hole. A whole new universe! I’ve seen so many in my lifetime! Each one more beautiful than the one before! Life becomes so much more enriched and exciting and exquisite on the other side!
I hope this helps the reader who came though this blog post and out the other side to reach this line, and the period at the end of this sentence.
This is my Truth, with the capital T, for today; and while my truth is always changing, evolving — this is where it is now. And I’m sharing it here. Is there more I could write and should write? Certainly this doesn’t cover the whole topic and I’m not trying to; these are just thoughts for a blog that are coming up on this day at this time. All I can do is hope this puzzle piece is worthy to help another see a little more of the larger picture.
I know these words will reach the right person at the right time–I trust.
My final thoughts and my truth for today: Don’t be afraid to follow your heart, even if it hurts. Allow the feelings, the emotions. Don’t be afraid to go into the depth of your being and grow to Infinity and Beyond!
PS — Thank you to the old boyfriend (and at our age, that’s quite literal) for triggering me again and helping me move into an even more beautiful reality! See you someday on the other side! 🙂