I hope this post won’t sound too cynical; I do have a little of that in me from time to time. But honesty trumps it so here I go…
I’m finally warming up to christmas… 12 days to go until the big christian /slash/ merchant holiday. I resist society’s pull to join into the chaos later every year it seems. I don’t have my wreaths on the window yet and for the 2nd year in a row, I’m refusing to drag out my little artificial tree–a privilege that comes from living alone. Maybe I’m getting old, tired of this particular ritual.
Who cares? you may be asking. Right you are. This blog post has no particular point–not yet anyway. It’s 2 am and I wasn’t able to sleep so I got up, put another log on the fire, checked my email and then though that blogging may do a sleepy-time trick on the psyche. Better things to do? I suppose, but nothing else is calling me at the moment.
I spent several hours this evening going over astrology charts in preparation for making reports for waiting clients. I’ve got a pretty good handle on the karmic dynamic and evolutionary intent for those. I especially love doing synastry and composite chart interps, mostly because they are a challenge and I find people’s connections to each other are so interesting. It’s never what it appears to be on the surface; there’s so much meaning in our connections to one another. And once those connections are revealed, the client is able feel more love, understanding and patience for the ‘other’ in their life. I’m just breaking into relationship chart interpretation and finding that I really love that type of astrology. Novice that I am, still there are so many factors that I can pick out which have the potential to be so transformative.
Gosh my fingers are cold! You often hear, cold hands–warm heart. I’d like to think that’s true. Back in my physical therapist days, my patients would yelp when I took ahold of them to help them out of bed until I learned to rub my hands together to warm them while out in the hallway, before entering their hospital room.
I guess the thing about christmas is… well, a couple of things. First of all, and I have no idea where this comes from, but as I grow older I see through the whole affair a lot more. I don’t know if older equates to wiser in this instance, but there’s some sort of growing resistance within me to being told by society on what day, the 25th of December, I should give and get together with my family. I do it all year-long–what about the other 364 days? I give gifts to my family and friends when I see the need or get the inspiration, in my own timing. Like that Frank Sinatra song, I’d like to be able to say that “I did it my way”.
Maybe this contrariness is part of aging, like I said before. I hope it goes no deeper or further as the years progress; I’d hate to end up being like some of those obstinate old people who I used to treat in nursing homes. Although, if truth be told, I never met one that I didn’t like and couldn’t (at least in some way) relate to. I think that’s the key to having good interactions with others; finding how your similar and then agreeing with that part–lays the footing on common ground and helps the relating process.
Anyway, like I said, I’m warming up to the christian holiday ever so gradually this year. The other thing is that it just comes and goes so fast anymore. I remember as a wee little girl there was a year my grandmother said she didn’t want to put up a tree. My gosh! I was appalled! She complained that no sooner did she drag all the holiday stuff down, it’s be time to haul it back up again! My mini mind and holiday heart couldn’t understand the dilemma, but I sure get it now! Hey Gramma, if you hear me up there–I finally understand.
The joy is in giving–that part about christmas I get even though I detest society’s deadline. My daughter said to me earlier this week that her husband did most of the holiday shopping because she has a full-time job and his work is more sporadic. She said she felt it didn’t feel like christmas since she hadn’t bought any of the presents herself. That’s what makes it feel like christmas, she realized. I have to admit, I like the giving part too. And even though I resisted this holiday up until just a few days ago, once I purchased some well thought out items for my grandchildren, some merriment came into my heart. It’s the giving… it’s always that in giving to others that you give to yourself, as you’ve heard it said many times.
Seeing joy in the faces of others–that’s another very pleasing part of the holiday. As far as the christian mythology goes, I don’t connect much to that anymore being a recovering catholic and all. I think I stopped referring to myself as a christian eons ago back in college while taking a university course in World Civilization. My catholic school teachers painted a whole different version of the church and left out the religious wars and all the other purging atrocities that the church committed in the name of god. I felt ashamed to be associated with the name christian and no longer wanted any further identification with that horrid cult. Cold honesty on a cold night here!
Of course, as time went on past life memories of persecutions from christians came bubbling up from my soul which pretty much sealed the deal. Other people, like me, still go along with the yearly mass mind, consensus, hypnotic suggestion despite the religious myths. After all, the giving part isn’t so bad even if we make a special effort to get together on an agreed upon day; there’s obviously some sort of power to it. But I try to see it for what it is–no more, no less. Its sort of like an alcoholic–any excuse for another drink. But if we’re going to be hooked on something, I suppose merriment, pretty lights and colors and giving isn’t such a bad addiction. The red bows and dark green garland do bring much-needed color to the otherwise grey days and brown foliage of the season. A little cheer and color in the dead of winter certainly doesn’t hurt!
Our family this year jointly agreed not to get carried away. The consensus was that we only buy for the little one’s this year–times and the economy being what they are. And for the adults we each bring one gift (and it can even be a decent white elephant gift–something used but good for giving) and wrap it. We choose one in order. As we go around if another person wants the gift you have opened, they give you their unopened package and take yours–so this should make for an interesting game I suppose.
I’m looking forward to going to my daughter’s house and seeing them and my grandchildren. This year my sisters are coming and bringing their daughters–haven’t seen them in a while. One sister I talk to nearly daily. The other one is a fundamentalist christian who prays for the salvation of my soul since I’ve fallen into the hands of the enemy–her words in italics. Right. We don’t chat very often.
I always feel my dad close-by this time of year. Those on the other side do… well as the song goes, those who are dear to us gather near to us once more. They’re always around us at the holidays. I sense them in the room, almost like I could reach out and touch them. It’s hard to explain that so you’ll just have to take my word for it. If you’re sensitive and reading this, I don’t need to explain–you know too.
Sometimes I think what keeps me hanging on is the next new astrology book that hits the market. I’m going to put in an order for one on Monday after I make a bank deposit. A little christmas gift to myself we could call it I suppose. Astrology is really what makes me jump up and down these days. A visit from my boyfriend would do the same thing, the astrology book will get here long before he does.
Well, I guess its time to try to take this supercoolhappylovething self of mine off to bed to give sleep another chance.
Twelve days to christmas now, just like the silly song … and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeeee! Won’t be long now before no more christmas ads on TV or christmas email spam. We’ll soon be into after christmas sales… Fa la la la la, la la la la! I’m not decking the halls, but I’ll throw my traditional 3 wreaths in the windows so the baptist around here will think I’m one of them. Hey, when in Rome and all that jazz.
If you’ve been caught into the xtian celebratory ritual, hope you have a good one. If not, Happy happy Hanukkah or whatever it may be for you!
The sacrilegious pagan-type part of me does love the color, the light, the glitter, the bows and the unity of it all I suppose. I’m warming up to it–again!
Cheers! Only 12 more days afterall!