Sometimes, I wonder if I overcompensate when it comes to what I’m doing here. I’m talking about my—warning! Here it comes, that word that I, too, cringe when hearing. Lessons–ugh! Really… we’ve got to think of a better way of saying it or at least explaining it. How’s this? Let’s call it gift giving or talent expression or anything but that turn-off word, lessons. We all know what we’re supposed to do here… deep down, your soul knows and guides you in the directions of the intentions of this lifetime. Wait! How do I know this? Who am I to make such a statement like some kind of authority? I base this statement on my own observation/correlation of my own life, the lives of those near and dear and it all gets confirmed by Soul Astrology. Now…
True. Can’t we or don’t we seem to see what we want? Can’t things be interpreted a million different ways depending on who’s doing the interpreting? Partly, that’s very true. Yet, at some point, we have to begin to trust some part of ourselves to open up enough to let the process of divination show us … no! Let it be said this way: to validate for us, what we deeply know anyway–what our soul deeply knows and has been calling our attention to all along. Does this make me an authority in these matters? Hardly; I am only a sage, an oracle, doing what comes natural. Look around, people will take it or leave it and that’s life. Now, back to what I was starting to say.
Service! This is a key word and a secondary word that could substitute for my name; don’t call me Joy, call me Service. LOL. Alright, okay, so that was silly; but I am here to help, to give, to teach, to share, to communicate about spiritual matters, deep psychological matters, core bare-bones-bottom-line soul issues, healing-deep-soul-wounds type work, and realignment-of-consciousness type of labor and effort. And you have a soul mission here too. Why?
Several reasons and they sometimes get mixed up or out of balance. And sometimes, because of (in my own case) that whole “being of service” drive combined with my personal soul evolution intentions, it’s possible that my overall presentation to the world gets misunderstood. It could be the same way with you. Anyway, I worry about this sometimes. That has to be admitted if this blog post is going to be written in total honesty.
Face it… we all know where we are being called to fulfill our purpose here. Sometimes it takes a while to let ourselves do it, to realize it, but deep down, we know—even though we hide from it, we still know. It takes courage to embrace it and once we rip off the doors of our resistance and charge ahead, we may have a tendency to overcompensate. It may be fear that drives us to over-do. Sometimes, I wonder about all of this and question myself about going overboard. And I also engage in self-inquiry regarding my intentions being misunderstood by the outer world. I can get too overly concerned about how I’m perceived… that’s part of an old soul wound that needs resolution.
My particular soul mission is to provide a service to society by using my own inner resources and thereby becoming self-reliant; both materially and emotionally. And the inner resources have three key words associated with them: service, spirituality, communication. I’m also supposed to be developing my own voice of authority in society… this one sort of makes me choke with fear some days.
I can’t do this without you–I need you; I need the outer world, I need society, clients, friends, students in order to achieve the intentions for self-reliance the way my soul intends. What I mean is that I need to be on Earth for this purpose, because you are here too. I cannot be a nun, priest, monk or concubine this time; I must provide for myself using my own inner resources to fulfill a need in society. The word “need” reeks of co-dependency. Equal giving and receiving is what is required to avoid co-dependency. Do I give more than I receive in order to meet my survival needs and fulfill the self-reliance requirements of my soul? Am I receiving more than I am willing to give? Where and how might I over-compensate? Can it be that I get way too serious about all of this life-stuff?
This week I’m thinking about all this and wondering if there’s an imbalance somewhere and am also engaging in self-inquiry regarding giving from the heart.
There’s a part of me that resists the intensity of all of these concerns when they loom too large. I want to be free and not care and be silly and giddy and playful and … well, frankly–I just want to go home! Ah, and there it is, what is home but that happy childlike energy which is the very heart of my being? Joy is my very name! And somewhere in you, its your’s too! So there’s a call to lighten up and balance out those deep soul psychological and self-reliance survival and service issues with our true nature, joy.
They –whoever they are (spirit guides)–told me once, long ago, during my daily writing/channeling sessions that I used to do after coming home from my “3rd dimensional” job, that this was my name, my spirit name, my spiritual name: Joy.
So, I went with it! I was also reminded that the opposite of the word joy is sorrow… two sides of the same coin. Duality, polarities–that I dance between the two… balancing, or trying to in order to achieve freedom. And freedom–it’s just another word for “nothing left to loose”.
Still, I worry sometimes if others perceive me as —and this is the insecure ego/personality part of me speaking — perceive me as egotistical, authoritative, a ‘know-it-all’, and the like. I want to be perceived in a totally opposite way actually; humility. This isn’t so much because of my own personal ‘feelings’ because really, believe me. I would have no trouble doing just as I have in the past– turning away from society and heading to my meditation cave at the top of the mountain. (Something I’m actually partly doing now, except for the Internet.) Yet, doing so represents no soul growth for me and I’d only be called down again anyway. So here is the hermit, the old monk, the priest, the nun, the concubine (or the way I’d prefer to think of it, the sacred prostitute), the oracle, and the sage. Here I am and there you are as we evolve together.
We all are here to evolve, expand, grow and express our soul talents while, at the very same time, challenging ourselves to grow in the areas that our soul needs to grow personally–working in combination with the two. I’ve just described a good part of general soul dynamics as an example for you.
Anyway, if we’re serious (and we nearly have to be if we’re awake enough and aware enough to understand all this), the question becomes this. Can we overcompensate, push too hard, loose our balance and be misunderstood by the very society that we desire to serve? And then can’t all those insecurities and fears become triggered at deep levels–those exact insecurities that we came to resolve and heal and re-empower?
This is the time to remember who and what is the Source of our security in the first place—Source Itself. You and me and All That Is… we are that Source. Individual waves in the Ocean of Life.
And this is for you too—can we balance that need for playfulness in view of the serious soul issues?
I’m going to try. Scratch that. I will, I AM. Let’s play!