This day started out with me, myself and I making a vow to hold a high vibration today in consciousness for the good of all. You know, an energy thing—helping to keep good vibes for humanity and all of life. I’m sure some readers (have a small ‘christian’ following now—omg!) may not fully get that, but what we think, feel and our general vibration goes out into the world and “thoughts are things” and gather more of the same. They come back to us (some would say) eventually and others would maybe not agree. I am not going to turn this blog into a metaphysics level one basic introductory course, so google stuff or not—anyone’s choice. Wow, that sounded sort of testy—wasn’t meant that way. Anyway, moving right along…
I am blogging about this vow I made to myself so that maybe I can release a certain guilt that came up a moment ago. You see, It’s been taking a good deal of energy for me to cope with a recent rent increase—I’ve been doing the quick step over here in my attempts to figure out how to work that one into the budget. There’s been a splitting off: one part of me is planning to pack and move while knowing perfectly well that wouldn’t solve a thing! Another part of me would like to start digging a tunnel to China (have no idea what that means except maybe it’s related to going home by way of China to Tibet?), while the more grounded other part is actually determining what we “do without” around here or how to increase income to compensate for the rent increase.
I really dislike the begging bowl thing (you have no idea!) and it doesn’t work well in the 21st century in America anyway, unless you become some sort of church or ministry–no thank you. I’ve noticed that some bloggers have a Paypal button on their blog for donations–really? Okay… so after I saw that, it crossed my mind. Maybe if I get desperate, which hasn’t happened yet but I’m close. Ha ha. Anyway, back to moving right along here…
The rental lady called yesterday, left a message that I should call her right away because she needs to talk to me about something—and her tone of voice wasn’t really saying, “everything’s alright” but then her voice never does. But, yeah, I was pretty disappointed in my reaction… before I even had finished dialing her number, my life was flashing before my eyes. Those darn fears of being homeless again! I thought I’d resolved that at least a thousand times already.
Who knows? On the outside looking in (if someone would have been in the room at the time to see it), I may have appeared cool as a cucumber; but inside? Imagine having just been in a car accident—that feeling. It’s highly embarrassing – I teach this stuff! I blog it, tweet it, Facebook it, read about it as well a/s write about it and still and as the song goes, still crazy after all these years!
We’ve all got something that triggers our security issues and rings our fear bell—everybody’s got that one big fear just hanging out on the sidelines waiting for something to hit its pattern so it can activate. And many times, there’s really irrational stuff attached to the thinking and thank goodness we have other humans to discuss these things with because until someone laughs at those fears, we really don’t realize how irrational they are!
I told my sister that part of what flashed before my eyes when I was calling the rental girl back had to do with the x-tian telephone man who was in my very own kitchen telling me I was going to go hell the day before—see blog post from two days ago 11/29/11 –maybe he’s the cousin of the landlady or the rental girl and they want /me out! It wasn’t until my sister roared laughing and then told me how ridiculous that sounded that I realized how irrational that fear could be in my mind!
After all was said and done, it had to do with an adjustment of $6. Meanwhile, back at the ranch as the saying goes, I had another good look at that fear monster.
Today, I hear from someone who writes that the bank is foreclosing on her home. I feel ashamed for splitting off from myself in these smaller and much more insignificant matters of mine in comparison to that.
And within 10 minutes of making the vow to myself to hold a high vibration today, feelings of being ashamed for whining about my rent increase in comparison to someone who is being foreclosed upon, I’ve broken my vow.
I must release this feeling. I suppose it’s all relative—one man’s foreclosure is another’s rent increase? I don’t know it’s a fair statement or not. In these types of matters, I immediately go deeper into the meaning. Anytime something happens, I’m immediately asking “What is the universe trying to tell me?” In other words, what’s really going on here? Is the direction changing and what IS that direction and how am I to work in harmony with it?
You know, some things are real in the sense that it is just life doing what it does and it is always for our benefit. Yeah, I hear ya’; I know. Trust me, I know. I had very fast-moving thoughts of how I was going to pack up all my belongings yesterday to be ready to move. And truthfully, I’m still working on chasing that image out of my head. It’s one of those situations of “wherever you go, there you are” when it comes to me, myself and I with the bills and rent. Anyway… I could probably nurture that belief system into something more prosperous! How many times have I read, “poverty is a state of mind”–?
It’s strange though, deep down – which is where I’ve just gone since the pause between now and the last paragraph – I always believe it’s going to work out alright and that I am going to be alright. You know, that it’s going to be (at a minimum) okay and more likely that it’s going to work out for my benefit so that it’s going to be more than okay. And that’s even in the moment when my stomach is doing flips, my life is passing before my eyes and I’m thinking I may have to head for the bathroom at any moment! Somehow, it’s going to be okay or better than that. That’s what I want the person who wrote to me about the bank foreclosing on her house to know.
And as I go about my work today, I will send special love to the person who wrote to me and to all beings who are in any way suffering or feeling insecure, unloved, fearful or confused.
Today, I will do the Buddhist Tonglen Meditation Practice for you!
And I will hold a special focus for the person who wrote to me about the bank foreclosing on her home.
Universal Love Prayer
from the Metta [Lovingkindness] Sutta
May all beings be filled with joy and peace. May all beings everywhere, The strong and the weak, The great and the small, The mean and the powerful, The short and the long, the subtle and the gross: May all beings everywhere, Seen and unseen, Dwelling far off or nearby, Being or waiting to become: May all be filled with lasting joy. Let no one deceive another, Let no one anywhere despise another, Let no one out of anger or resentment Wish suffering on anyone at all. Just as a mother with her own life Protects her child, her only child, from harm, So within yourself let grow A boundless love for all creatures. Let your love flow outward through the universe, To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake, Strive for this with a one-pointed mind; Your life will bring heaven to earth.
Namu Amida Buddha.