Integrating Spiritual Experiences into the Personality

Integrating Spiritual Experiences into the Personality

Integrating Spiritual Awakenings into the Life of the Personality

Do you see what’s going on?  I mean really? There’s a burning desire within me to write about this maybe because until now I only partially understood what’s been going on.  Maybe that’s what you are (or have been) too and that’s why this post.  Let me give a few examples of what is intended.  Let’s say you watched all three Lord of the Ring movies.  But even if you haven’t, hang in there, okay?  Remember how Sam, Frodo, Pippin, and Merry came back from their adventures returning to the Shire and the looks they got from the hobbits from those who never left?  Remember how Frodo and the others looked at one another?  They had to find some way to come back now after their long journey and live normal lives.  Right.  See where I’m going here?  Integration back into the work-a-day world with others can be difficult.

My gosh, I’ve written about my difficulties with that for years but wasn’t fully aware that its a process now in which many others are also struggling.  Increased sensitivity to sound and noxious energy is one part of it. Yet the other part is continuing to meditate in the world of men and beasts after being in true solitude and withdrawal for an extended period.

Some people go on retreat, some for as long as a year.  For myself, it was a much longer period of time overall.  Not that I didn’t have to deal with real-world concerns in spurts but for the most part, I do recall at least 2 solid years of meditation throughout the bulk of the day.  I was, for all practical purposes, withdrawn from the world of the ego/personality and spent a good deal of time in states of . . . well, let’s just say in states in which the self that deals with earth living was out of the picture.

I pictured myself remaining in that state until the end of days.  Yet, the personality/ego needed to integrate all the spiritual meditative states and bring them right into the face of loud neighbors, barking dogs, mean humans and the whole gambit of aversions.

My meditations took on a new format at that point.  My mind was being critical, judgmental, aversive, impatient, intolerant—you name it.  Woah, my spiritual practice took a huge hit!

I began to really dislike myself and felt like all my spiritual work was destroyed.  My mind, in meditation, was running in 10 different directions and it wasn’t easy to pull myself together, so-to-speak.

At that point, thoughts of becoming a nun of some type or other or hiking the Appalachian Trail on a permanent basis were prominent.  I began to resent my family to whom I came down of the mountain (literally from the high Country of the Appalachians to the flatland) to serve.  I wanted to go back, desperately.  I didn’t want to integrate.

Many times when my energy tangled with a difficult human I’d find myself really angry at myself instead of realizing it’s okay to stand up for one’s self in a way that is direct and at the same time kind.

My point in writing this is that people who view themselves as on a spiritual path upon which they might have had profound spiritual experiences feeling great love, peace, and unification/oneness in meditation or on retreats should give themselves a break.  Like Frodo and the others and even like Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, it’s a path and may take a while to come back to this temporary earth home after having really gone HOME.  No matter if that going HOME was brief or for years, it is my current understanding that our job now is to apply what we experienced to our ego/personality and integrate that within the earth world.  It’s a journey and self-acceptance is a huge part of it now as we pull the mind back into the unity consciousness it once knew.

Memories will arise triggered by life experiences and people outside of times of spiritual withdrawal and we can watch the mind and learn about our patterns and tendencies.  In that awareness, we can diffuse their energy.  But it doesn’t mean we’ve lost our prior spiritual state, nor does it mean we have done anything wrong.

It’s just a deeper level of spiritual awakening and not a failure in any way.  That’s what I’m trying to convey.

I hope these views and opinions of mine will find their way to those who might be able to understand and benefit from this little post.

Art, Creating and Writing Practice

Keyboard
WARNING: this is a boring writing practice

We all do art.  Words are art, spoken or written no matter.   If you bring sound from silence, you are creating and you are an artist.  If you coax something out of what is in your mind into art and put it outside of yourself where it is visible, you are an artist!

We are creating all of the time.  I suppose you could say we are creating all kinds of causes and conditions that if they do not manifest today or tomorrow, their seeds are there waiting for that stimulus to awaken whatever those may be.

Now its time for a confession.  This is a writing practice. You see, there’s this thing in me.  Let’s say it’s like in the paragraph above.  There’s something in my mind, heart, spirit that is really seeks written expression.  How, after all, can any of us write unless we write?  We practice all kinds of things in life to get better.  We workout at the gym in order to get stronger.  We walk to stay healthy and such things as this.  Writing is no different.

There are these ideas and thoughts about stories to create — for fun, for maybe inspiration or some kind of education but I’ve got to use this form.  Fingers on the keyboard.  Using a pen and paper makes my hand numb.  Go figure. I’ve tried it but typing; yes, it’s a ‘can-do’!

Many times, nonsense is written and let me apologize if I’m already boring any readers.  There are only a few minutes left to this practice but before I go, let me describe a thing or two.  The overhead daylight bulb in the desk lamp just to my left creates flashes of sparkle from my silver rings as they move on the keys.  One is heart-shaped.   That was my mother’s.  Another ring is a feather-shaped which reminds me to lighten up.  Actually, it reminds me of finding a white feather just at the door threshold of the hospital when I was admitted for gallbladder surgery.  A sign that the angels were watching over me?  I’d like to think so.  And then there’s the bulky butterfly which is my favorite.  Looking beyond the lamp, its dark outside and the day went well. There was no drama trauma and that always rings the gratitude bells of the heart.

It’s snowed today and while nothing stuck (*or laid as they say in the high country), the cold rushed in like an unkind guest when the door was opened.  I had to do this to feed the stray cats just before nightfall.  Such boring stuff, I know.  That’s why I get discouraged by this writing business but all the books about writing say, just do it.  Its a really great slogan Nike! Really is.  Well, there’s the timer.

I came onto this blog to add something and to tidy up a few things so while here, this post happened.  You see, in a moment of weakness, I paid the ransom to get rid of the advertising at the end of the posts and then had got myself in big trouble doing a name change server redirect thing with my hosting service.  A tangled web it was!

Well, beeper just went off; writing practice is over.    Sorry about the big bore.   If only I could be more clever.

I sit and stare up at the light to see what the mind wants to type next to end this, but the only thing that comes to mind is dinner.  It’s getting near 8 PM and my stomach feels betrayed.

I apologize for any run-on sentences or typos or any other writing errors; this was dashed off in a flash.  I usually do my writing practices in a Penzu Journal.

I’m just a soul whose intentions are good Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

Having quite a time with the human vulgars lately.  Define vulgar?  Sure.   Went to the dictionary.  Meaning: of or relating to the common people (and most especially these types):  morally crude, undeveloped, lacking sophistication or good taste; unrefined.  Gawd, drawing in weird stuff and humans lately–had to find a name.  Recent example.  I am walking at a city park that has a walk/jog trail, baseball diamonds, playgrounds and lots and lots of trees.

Right you are! Its the trail with the trees that attracted me.  The schools were still in session so all the kids were elsewhere and this being a beautiful and quiet day with a cool breeze, it was my choice for a walk with the trees.  Forty minutes later, still quiet, I found myself a tree on a little hill not far from the car park and sat to meditate.  I was still listening to my mp3 player, actually Lord of the Rings Album playing to block out any accidental noisy situations that should come upon me.  Sitting in half lotus with hands in my lap — what’s the problem, right?

T’was lovely.  For about 10 minutes, going deeper and deeper into meditation.  Then a car pulls up across the way and a woman gets out and lights a cigarette and looks over at me.  Huh? I think to the Universe, Are you kidding me?  It took my attention but no matter– ignoring the situation, I looked up at the clear blue sky and various fall colored maple leaves and found the mind considering how to paint them.  Next thing I realize the car was gone so returned to my deep inner space.  Not long after there comes a police car right in front of my location and there went my attention again. I look up and the cop is talking to me. Huh?

I take out my earbuds and say What? and he asks if I am Okay.

Huh?  For buddha’s sake!  WTF? So I say, Yes; I’m just meditating, is that okay?

Yeah, well okay. I was doing my own personal “sit in” not wanting to return to the Human Vulgars of the apartment building where this body (and the rest of me) currently resides. But alone under a tree just sitting there . . .  and I think can I be arrested for this? 

He tells me that someone reported to him that I was just staring off into space.

Dang, since when was this something to report to the police?  I do it all the time!  hahaha

Experiences like that and so many more around this human/dog city life make me miss the mountains enough to have a really good cry.  Maybe I will.

I’m just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood