Taming the Mind and Being Authentic on the Spiritual Path

Taming an unruly mind in meditation can be like taming a wild horse

Okay, I’ll admit it—faking the small talk enjoyment with strangers I can’t seem to do very well at anymore. “I am what I am and that’s all that I am” as Popeye the sailor man cartoon guy says. In my own defense it was a full Moon opposing my natal Moon and I fretted over the appetizer and what to wear to the affair that by the time I got there I was already wore out and didn’t have much energy to pretend what I didn’t feel–exhausted; can I pretend I’m full of energy. I’m not use to being inauthentic. I gave it all the cover I could; my sister said I did fine, so I’ll go with that. I guess I just don’t care to pretend anymore and didn’t realize it until I was underwater in humans.

It was all very lovely for her (my daughter) and she’s the one who matters in this instance after all; the engagement party was for her. I did my best; something that I always assure myself that I do and I hope isn’t just me being delusional. It’s just hard to keep the center in the midst of people’s energy bouncing off the walls especially when one’ is tired. There’s something about my spiritual path these days that doesn’t allow me be inauthentic and that’s a problem in some situations. Now I see it is even more important than ever to keep rested and to have enough time to devote to a formal sitting meditation—it’s imperative now whereas at the top of the mountain it wasn’t as necessary for me.

These connections with family dramas stimulate the mental amphitheater of my mind that has been quiet – and in observing these thoughts, I see how I can allow pretty self-critical thinking. I also realize that there is some sort of guilt that is beneath it all; and it’s vague and general… nearly like that whole original sin catholic guilt garbage. Yeah, insane neurosis and in between it’s there… calm and peace. It’s there but I need to formally take it to the cushion these days to find it again and re-activate it.

I said to my family that having moved here is causing me to dig deeper into the Buddhist teachings and to work with applying meditation practice on levels that I hadn’t before and my sister laughed, winked and in her funny sarcastic tone replied, “Glad to help!”

Anyway, I think that being very authentic as a human was the par for the course until I hit family turf again and until I became surrounded by traffic and humans galore. And now that insane thoughts or what the Buddhist would call “self-consciousness” and what westerners would call “ego” has…. Well, it is like the sleeping dragon has awakened! And that’s probably truer than not since the South Node of the Moon in Astrology is called Dragon’s tail and the North Node referred to Dragon’s head! And like I’ve pointed out in other posts, in my case my transiting nodes moving closer to merging with my natal nodes—North Node on the South and South Node on the North. “Back to the Future”—and so who knows, we have old thoughts from past lives or even from the past of this lifetime being kicked up.

My daughter is about to get married and I’m doing our life review here and it’s all just insane and neurotic thought which dissipates when I see it and label it and then peace filters back in so I can be my true self again. It was living in that true self for so long up on the mountain that sort of dis-allowed me to pretend too much at the party; it was hard is all I can say. But there we go—yet another insane thought just got blogged. LOL

It’s time for me to take it all to the cushion again. I don’t want to think anymore, I just want to breathe and be who I am…. Something wasn’t at the party but I survived even if I didn’t ‘perform’ all that well and couldn’t pull off having the ‘time of my life’ when I wasn’t. LOL. It was one of those affairs where you stand for hours and talk while everyone else talking around you—quite different from 15 years of solitude in the mountains. And now, to the meditation cushion to tame the unruly mind—on some days lately, it seems like saddling a wild horse! I must love that horse and approach it gently and with compassion.

PS– I enjoyed talking to the little kids and interacting with their family dog the most.  I’m not a social moron really, just having trouble pretending anymore. I’m still working it out in meditation time; it’ll be alright

Human Dramas and Family Theater Versus Peaceful Nature and Serenity Within

Nature Scene
It’s heaven….this pic is… Look! Not one human in sight! Yet, this type of scene and others just like it and the peace and the quiet that accompanies scenes like this lives inside / within each of us. And no matter how many humans with their dramas are around, we can go there, live there, love there! I’m there!

People. Wow.  Family people. BIGGER WOW.  My recent move has taken my trip here on Earth to another level.  Let me just use the words “other level” rather than put any other descriptive adjective onto it. 

As they say, it is one thing to meditate up on the mountain in a cave quite alone and totally another to bring your soul into the village and practice there! I can see I’m going to get some good practice! 

Yet, I’ve brought the mountain with me—it’s in my heart and in my mind and yes, the mountain is in my soul.  The mountain and my soul are one—and like the American Indian would say, “I am one with the Earth”.  In fact, I have a t-shirt that says that on the front.

I’ve had more human activity and family activity (call it human drama—that’s more the truth) than I’ve been accustomed to in the past.  I’m still making the adjustment and truthfully have longed for the solitude from which I’ve come and have had moments wherein I’ve had to consciously remind my ego-self that all that I seek exists within.

Change takes some getting used to–I’m living that truth fer’ sh’ure!

It was therapy–I just came back from a 2 mile hike in a nearby state park area; very nice.  I still want to call on the I-ching oracle for a word or two about this whole topic of human dramas and dealing with that type of energy scenario.  You might be having the same type of issue because after all the Sun in still in the family sign, Cancer.  And it’s still within striking distance of a wide opposition to Pluto.

The question has to do with dealing with those dramas–what should we keep in mind around the human theatre arenas?  The information below is general and not necessarily specific to my situation–it’s just some I-ching wisdom to apply to human theater generally.

Well, we’ve received several things here.  One is to remember that in the heat of the drama or in the midst of the battle, it is best to not charge up the hill when both sides are firing at one another, least you become the unwitting recipient of a bullet or two.  Or you could become shouted at when one of the guys from the opposing side mistakes you for the enemy.  Making one’s self a small target at those times is wise–once the heart stops pounding and you catch your breath, the circumstances may change by then. 

The other bit of guidance is if you do make a preemptive strike, trust that your intuition was guiding you to do so and do not defend your actions or entertain any type of rationalization. 

Aside from that, be willing to “roll with the punches” as the sayings go while increasing your strength and capacity to endure difficulties in the face of change.  If recent change is part of the scenario, its normal to feel vulnerable and shaky at times.  It’s also normal to doubt and question yourself in areas where there was previous unshakable certainty!  All that is “par for the course” to use another saying.

Keep a steady pace and stay in touch with the real needs of the moment rather than bringing in past of future scenario thinking. 

Remember, that we can’t always make sense of things or other people when it comes to human ego-dramas or family-theatre. 

Breathe deeply and tune into the inner guide, the voice of truth that speaks from your intuition.

Most of all, have patience with yourself and this will help you to have patience with others–yet, don’t allow yourself to be a doormat either!  If YOU don’t respect you, who will?

If you weren’t ready for the human drama and family theatre productions that certain changes can provide, remember that the Tao would not have provided the current opportunity. 

That’s how to see it all — as one big opportunity to expand your Earthly trip! 

 And yeah, that other opportunity… to take a drive to the nearest state park and go for a hike by the lake!  Amen.