Boundaries and Blackbirds: Our greatest challenge is to break away from the herd

What do boundaries and blackbirds have in common?
What do Boundaries and Blackbirds have in common?

Carl Jung said that as humans our greatest challenge is to break away from the herd

Boundaries.  Those lines we draw around ourselves to maintain balance and to protect our psyche from invasion.  Yes, or maybe ‘intrusion’ is a gentler word.

The push of energy that comes from the behavior and the demands of others requires a boundary.  That boundary keeps us from being used or manipulated by others and within that boundary we can express our true nature.  Personal boundaries allow us to be in the driver’s seat of our own lives.

Without healthy boundaries we sometimes give up a part of our self to be available or accommodating in a way that enables others and causes a loss of self-respect.

We can  become so entangled with another person and their needs (co-dependent behavior) that we lose your own identity. This undermines our integrity and leads to a loss of self-respect — and the respect of others around you.

Respecting boundaries. I asked my self today if I honor other people’s boundaries.  Do I push myself on others?  When I get a hint that a person does not wish to socialize with me, do I continue to insist that they do so?  And  do I solicit others in passive-aggressive ways to elicit sympathy from others using them to assist me to push boundaries even further?

Sounds like a little bit like the animal–the bull, doesn’t it.  But you know how some people keep on antagonizing the other, right?   I have a visual.   Someone who is like a bull and charges upon others.   Wave that red flag in my face one more time and I may, do like the bull, and charge!  🙂

Do people have a fundamental right to set limits and expectations in their life without incurring the judgment of others?  I think they do.  You know that saying,  “You can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.“–??

Can people consider the wishes of others yet still make choices regarding personal boundaries?

People are the way they are.  Can we accept that without judging them, trying to manipulate or change them?

I operate from my own truth.  You do too.  And when we respect other people’s truths,  we expect our own truths to be respected in return.

Manipulative people do not understand boundaries.  They force themselves into the space of other people’s lives.

Where’s the compassion?  Fear is the root of it all, you know?  The boundary pushing person has a fear of not being loved, not being good enough, deserving enough.  Okay, that’s understood.  So then what? Do we let the person keep pushing or what?

Compassion for the boundary pusher and for the one with the boundaries ( both ) is what’s needed here.  There is the defensiveness from the one with the boundaries who says, “See what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel and then maybe you will understand.”  And the other one, in the meanwhile,  of course still pushes– the habit of fear being the driving motivation.

“You couldn’t handle half of what I’ve dealt with and don’t understand that there’s a reason that I do what I do”, says the one who has been willing to accept responsibility for their own life and who has developed the self-respect which created the boundary.  Victim talk?

Personal boundaries are more than OK–and it doesn’t mean that you are selfish or unkind if you push back when someone pushes yours.  Boundaries mean that you have a clear picture of who you are and how you want to live.

In a family dynamic it is always more difficult or better said–complex.  Sometimes we have to endure a person for the sake of keeping the relatives happy, right?  Or do we?  Do we enable dysfunctional behaviors in family members? Or don’t we?

The “herd mystique” and it’s allure

There is a quote from Carl Jung about this being one of the human’s greatest challenges.  Fitting in with the group, the herd, the clan–“You are family so you HAVE TO be around me!”  Where is that written?  Genetic connection or NOT;  do we vote with our presence indicating that dysfunctional behavior is acceptable?

On another note, is it our responsibility to straighten other people out in ways that we believe they should ‘act’ according to our own standards of behavior?  Whoa! Now  that’s one huge judgment if we believe that.  Where’s THAT truth?  Speak it.  Does that sound right if you say it aloud?  Best not to push your truth onto others or become a evangelist — that’s a karma creator if there ever was one.

By placing a boundary and living within it, you are living your own truth and being compassionate to yourself and to the other as well.  You are also teaching people in your life what self-respect looks like through example.

We have to trust what we know and what we have learned from the work that we have done in our own life via self-analysis, theology, philosophy and spirituality. 

This is especially true if we speak about times when our boundaries are pushed and disrespected, especially in a family situation.  Those are the most charged with the opportunity for growth and for teaching through example.

People who push boundaries are giving you the opportunity to develop or to teach self-respect.  Pushing back is a delicate art.  Knowing how to push back against pushy people takes stamina and skill. (Personally, some days I feel too old for it quite honestly.)

Anyway, push-back involves maintaining your own autonomy and self-esteem when you are being invaded.  You know that you need to step back and protect yourself, while minimizing any hostility or confrontation.  Not easy.  People are going to be offended.  Sometimes I think pushy people know that and it makes them push all the more–or they enjoy the drama.

People who push boundaries are acting out of fear and desperately trying to fulfill their own needs.  Social self-reliance is not really their forte’, their strong suit yet; they’re working on it.  We’re all a work in progress.

Self-care means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them and when you set boundaries, this is what you are doing.  It’s important.

But we’re “All One”–right?

We’re all one and connected and while this is true, and while we can be compassionate and understanding as we see the ‘bigger picture’ with self and others, we still have to be able to function here and in order to do so we must stay emotionally healthy while maintaining boundaries… all the while doing the relationship dance.  Being human isn’t easy.

Being human isn’t easy and being the best human you can be… well, it’s tricky sometimes.

I think the best thing we can do is get out of the judgment with the whole business with boundaries and relationships and being social.  I think Jung was right about the “herd mystique”– our greatest challenge being to break away from the herd.

To fully “individuate” is to be able to stop trying to “fit in” and  to be comfortable living in your own truth.  Separating one’s self from those to whom one does not feel an authentic connection takes courage.  The wrath of the clan falls upon you sometimes; that comes along with the territory of being your own person.

There is perceived safety in numbers which is an illusion just as much as any other erroneous belief we hold about living in this dimension.  Some people, and maybe I’m one, feel more authentic outside of the herd.  Strong boundaries are needed and when threatened, need re-enforcing.  Should that be a surprise?

What about karma?

Karma.  It’s our intention that creates it.  I think that needs to be said as well.  To have a boundary does not carry ill intent.

No man is an island onto himself, it is said.  We are one; yet, it is ego that separates us or gives a unique history of experiences and thus identity.

Judgment also separates us– i.e. “…you are different” or “… you should behave toward me in one way or another”.  It all gets us to work on our human growth and evolution both individually and collectively.

blackbirdBut in the meanwhile, as we do all of that, I like the blackbird way of interacting with their fellow birds. If a bird lands on a nearby branch and is not the mate of that blackbird they do a little nod (a bow) and fly away. Blackbirds are pretty solitary.  They are known to establish their territory, fiercely defending it (boundaries) by driving off any of their kind that get close to their vicinity.  Boundaries and blackbirds seem to go together.

What’s the bottom line? The ending conclusion? The final thought?  The summary? The point? The meaning?  I don’t know.   I just do hope something here helps someone out in cyber-world as I worked through some thoughts about boundaries today.

Here’s an article about emotional manipulation that I came across shortly after writing the blog above.  Some may find this helpful:

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/09/8-ways-spot-emotional-manipulation-free.html

FULL MOON PHASE Lunar Eclipse October 8, 2014 BLOOD MOON

Blood Moon Full Moon Lunar Eclipse2

Well here’s a Full Moon in Aries theory for you. People who go bonkers during a Full Moon in a relationship sign (Aries Moon/Libra Sun such as it is now) are suspect for this reason:   people will pick a fight with another or provoke reactions in other people for the purpose of dealing with their own conflicts about relationships. Yeah—totally happens.

Full Moons by their very nature are about oppositions (Moon opposing the Sun) and so there will be people born under a Full Moon to whom relationships mean “everything” and others will repudiate all relationships altogether.  Polarity extremes are part of a Full Moon and in relationship signs like the current Aries/Libra Moon/Sun, it’s the same way.  Therefore,  I tend to believe that this is the case with all transiting full Moons too but  especially in the relationship signs of Libra/Aries where even the Lunar Nodes are also currently  transiting.

So at the peak of the Full Moon yesterday with the Moon still in Aries, how did that go for you? Any Mars/Venus interactions? Any Yang/Yin oppositions? Anything surprising? –Uranus, the planet of surprise, was in alignment with the Moon and Sun. Well, whatever it may have been, short lived and sudden as it may have been, the effects will be long lasting whatever it was.

The Moon has now (at the time that I post this) slipped into Taurus—a more peaceful and pleasant emotional territory but the Blood Moon Eclipse had its effect and now we deal with the energy it left behind.

The Moon, which is being eclipsed, is the natural ruler of family, domestic situations, and women. That Full Moon has just occurred in the fiery, and often inflammatory, sign of Aries. One astrologer said issues with women during this Full Moon would not be unexpected, and it’s possible that one may check out on you either emotionally or physically–(adios).

Issues with caregiving can be part of a relationship dynamic at this time. And then there’s always that type of familial “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t” kind of drama. Am I ringing any bells?

GOOD NEWS:  If you can stay out of the dramas (and other people’s aggressions) at this time when the Moon is at it’s fullest, the energy can be purely exhilarating and energizing.

As far as that New Moon intention that we set in motion a few weeks ago, things have peaked, hit the high note and from here on out (the rest of this cycle) the Moon wanes and the energy calms, declines.

But have no fear; a lot can still happen—we are only at the very beginning of the waning cycle. Look out your window now, the Moon is still plenty full.

Generally speaking, as compared to a few weeks ago, things are clearer now than they were then—cards are put out on the table so-to-speak.

Life’s paradoxes become more vivid now—we can see other people’s view points if we are the least bit perceptive and unselfish.

There’s a sense of fate of inevitability that becomes evident here at the Full Moon time and in various ways not just in the way that it relates to the New Moon seed that you planted (either consciously or without knowing what you were doing).

What’s Normal Now:  You could have fear about how you think things are going to evolve in the next few weeks as the Moon wanes, but don’t have a fatalistic attitude!  You see more clearly and realize that things can change at any moment, and you know they have to.  Why? You realize that some things cannot be amended or repaired and some situations are truly stuck and you resolve not to prolong those.

I think it was Steven Forest who said something like if we have to have karma/drama then drama that moves us forward is evolution and is better than rather than drama that goes nowhere but back to square one. I could see that in a situation recently in my own life—yet I don’t think it had much to do with the seed that I planted through my desire or intention during the New Moon a few weeks ago, but maybe so.  Time will tell. Those realizations often times come much later.

Dane Rudhyar says that if a positive attitude of growth and liberation have prevailed during the waxing phase (as the Moon grows toward full), there comes some feeling of fulfillment, illumination and revelation at the FULL MOON. On a personal level, I really am experiencing that now in more than one situation at this time!

That message that we received at the time of the Sun/Moon merging conjunction has now reached the conscious mind fully and arrived in clear, objective consciousness. Something of the past is repudiated – some old value/belief/worry/fear (something) is released in favor of a new realization!  THAT’S Full Moon energy all over!

And so now there is a reorienting with a different purpose than a few weeks ago.

EXCEPTION: if an individual has been negative or carried a hesitant attitude over prior weeks, the Full Moon time can bring about a destructive attitude or a mental dilemma. There can be feelings of being torn; a splitting of the personality but this of course is delusion as all feelings of separateness are. In relationships where feelings of separateness occur the vital essence of the relationship is destroyed. Why? Because that is the denial of relatedness!  Negative energy sees conflicting energy where there is none—such as seeing the Sun conflicting with the Moon in opposition when they are actually relating/merging/compromising. How can you relate to something when you feel that the something is separate from you?  How can you relate to something or someone to which you feel you are being denied the connection? That’s how feeling torn comes about—a bit like personality schizophrenia.

By the by, I admit to getting of the concepts offered in the above  paragraph from the work of  astrologer Dane Rudhyar.  I have include it (heavy as it is) because of personally experiencing the truth to it.  I did paraphrase the concepts the way.

PERSONAL INPUT:  We will see what happens as the Moon wanes over the next few weeks but that ‘bit-of-a-ray-of-hope’ that happened in the New Moon phase 2 weeks ago, that whisper of a hope became concrete and survived and energy of the other phases is peaking now—this is definitely happening in my own personal experience as it relates to my New Moon intention/desire/seed planting. Yet, I still do not wish to reveal what it is that I’ve been focusing upon; not quite yet.

Meanwhile, I’m learning a lot about the Moon cycle writing these blog posts on the Lunation Cycle and applying the information to my own life.

By the way, a bit of trivia here but I just wrote about Joan of Arc in this week’s newsletter and that ties into this blog post since Joan of Arc was born during Full Moon— or so they say.  Her life story epitomizes Full Moon energy.

Anyway, let us ‘hang-in-there’ through the rest of this Lunar Full Phase.

I could have written a book on the fact that this Full Moon is called a BLOOD MOON but, it’s been a long day!  Another time.
The Moon enters the next lunar cycle gate at 225° at what is called the Waning Disseminating lunar phase. See you again around that time at 15° Gemini early next week if my calculations are correct!

That should be around Oct. 12th/13th when the Moon enters that next Waning Disseminating phase.

See you then.

QUICK MOON PHASE LINKS: 

New Moon 

Crescent (Waxing)

First Quarter

Gibbous (Waxing)

FULL MOON

Disseminating (Waning)

Last Quarter

Waxing Crescent – Balsamic 

When the Moon Transits the 4th House

Moon in the 4th HouseWhen the Moon transits your 4th house–hang on Snoopy, hang tough.  That was yesterday, for me—the Moon was moving through my 4th house.  I’ve got some perfect examples of this transit for you.  First let me list the typical areas of life that get triggered as a Moon moves through house 4.  Home is the key here and by the way the Moon actually rules this house and that makes this particular transit a strong one—like a double dose of Moon energy.  Decorating the home—any kind of project involving home at all actually would be typical.  Moving furniture, cleaning, and since the 4th house relates to “family”, those ties may be active. Moon rules Cancer and relates to family, nurturing, feelings, emotion, moods, home, soul, the past, ancestors, parents, childhood, self-image, housing, subconscious and midnight (nadir).  This area of the chart is also called the IC…. it’s from Latin —Imum Coeli (Latin for “bottom of the sky”.

Since the 4th house is the “midnight” or lowest point of the chart deep soul or subconscious issues apply here as well.  The ambiance of the home would be highlighted as well…. the mood or atmosphere of the home or where one lives.  [Where one resides and one’s home are not always the same place]

Like house 12, this area of one’s life is another where the soul desire is to withdraw more deeply into a place of safety and security—into one’s self.  Issues with “parents” or “childhood” may be triggered.  The 4th house relates to the foundation of one’s being.

Issues or concerns about housing situations would typically come up at this time of the month more than any other time. It’s also a time when one recalls one’s ancestors and reaching back to connect with them in some way.  Questions of the mind and heart such as, “Who is my family?” and “Where is my home; where do I belong?” would motivate one’s feeling nature.  A double Moon time is an intense “feeling” time.

PERSONAL NOTE:  It was unexpected and at the time I’d forgotten about the Moon and the houses.  I’d been considering moving a portable desk that I wasn’t using and that was taking up too much room in my closet for days—weeks actually.  Finally I got the big awkward thing down the stairs and loaded into the car along with my gear for the YMCA for the workout the followed.   Later in the day I did some reorganizing in that closet and ran the sweeper over the carpet and cleaned the bathroom.   I mention those details because they relate to typical 4th house activities being simulated by a Moon transit as mentioned above.

I drove to the storage unit, raised the door, saw my “stuff” and broke out in unexpected tears followed by overwhelming feelings and thoughts.  “What am I doing with my life? Where am I going to live and when?  Where do I fit in?  Where do I even ‘want’ to live, even if I had all the money in the world?”  All of that was followed by “I can’t believe I’m at this place again with all my stuff in storage.”

I cried even more thinking of how optimistic I was feeling at the time things were loaded in and noted how some of the boxes and belongings has shifted and slid from their neat stacks since the day they were so carefully and confidently placed!  Every emotion that I’d been holding together came undone and I bawled like a baby for goodness sake!

Yep, there it is Moon moving through the 4th house—a perfect example!  And right on time.  The rest of the day it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  Believe it or not I think I cried while doing laps but the tears, if any, would have blended with the water certainly nobody could see my face anyway.  By the time I was through the 48 laps that I swam, I did feel better.  Exercise always helps@!

I got to bring in a moment of homespun ambiance experienced later that night.  After I got my grandson back from band practice which I stayed to watch since that always cheers me there was door slamming at around 11 PM just as I was trying to let the day go—I live temporarily with my sister and niece.  Somebody was trying to make a point to the other and a good slam of a door is how those two do it around here which I’m sure the neighbors in this building also appreciate!  Yep, Moon moved through my 4th house alright!

Happy that the Moon has now advanced to my 5th house now.  Will be back to blog my way through the 5th house Lunar transit in a day or so.