Flashbacks and Indians are Moving (Yay)

looking out windowFLASHBACKS… no, never did LSD, so that’s not this.

But while just sitting upon my bed looking out the window a little bit ago… a familiar feeling came.  I was sick a lot around the ages of 6 to 8 years old,  as I recall.  Mumps once and maybe either chicken pox or measles (I’m pretty sure measles but maybe both) because I remember the rash and all the adults getting excited and missing weeks of school.  I had my tonsils out too; but mostly I remember looking longingly out the window and wanting to go outside just like I did when I awoke this morning to the uncouth Indian voices  —that last part being normal fare around here.

There’s a nice breeze today, its 60 degrees and I’d love to go out for a hike in the woods—to visit the Lady of the Lake.  But the adult in me knows better, says no like my mother did back when I had the mumps and measles and I am left with that familiar feeling not knowing what to do with it but blog it.

It has been many-a-moon (in fact many years of moons) that I’ve been this congested.   I woke this morning, as I have many mornings after their Indian hookah (or whatever)  parties, with a migraine.  Yeah, I just put the 2 + 2 together on that one!  Same deal last weekend and the one before—open eyes and head pounds.  The smell of whatever they put in their pipes is nauseatingly disgusting and finds its way up through the floor and walls. Even though I’ve shut and covered the heating vents, when they put on their central air unit, it pumps the smelly residue right on up here.  And it wakes me in the night.  After today, only 44 more days of this; they move out on the 31st of December.  Happy New Year! Yay!

Oh, by the way,  I can’t prove they smoke hookah but the maintenance guys say most all of them do and I’ve smelled actual … well, you know that, “OMG what the heck is that burning?” , but I think after a while they changed it up a bit to something different.  Maybe this would be hard for you to believe, but REALLY, I’ve better things to do then speculate about it, although blogging about it generally does help release some levels of frustration.

My lungs and sinuses are not real happy, nor is my head right now.  They know I’m sick up here in the apartment above them—they must hear me coughing throughout the night just as I hear their coughing!  Despite that, they had a loud and in my opinion grossly bad-mannered boisterous party last night.  Just lovely! They know I’d hear every word and yelp above them!

Me as a little girl
Me, as a child around the time of mumps and measles

My family has been dropping off food and medicine—because going out into the marketplace with one of my coughing jags wouldn’t be pretty, not that I couldn’t do it—but it’d be embarrassing is all.  Yesterday, finally liquid Nyquil and a vaporizer came through the door and I was just about to finally sleep (something for the previous two nights I’d not been able to do due to coughing) and just as the cough calmed, they started with the hookah and loud voices and hyena laughter—the female Indian is really good at that!  You know that there are such things as pig calling contests, right?  Well, if they had hyena laughter impression contests, she’d be the world champion!

The laughter and talking is highly nervous and hyper sounding—that’s the hookah hyena laugh and you want to talk about speed?  They already talk a mile-a-minute as is, but on hookah (or whatever stimulant they obviously use), well, it’s hard to describe.  And I don’t want to talk about it.

So anyway,  I am too sick to go out and play and mostly too sick to work too although yesterday—bless her heart!—I had a very patient astrology client put up with my hacking cough and my loss of voice for an hour session. Thank you Janie!

I had to cancel and reschedule the other  session that I’d planned to do yesterday; I really don’t like having to bump clients into the next week but I’ve got to get over this cold or clearing or whatever we want to call it.  It started last weekend when I spoke to the Hyena impersonator about the smell of garlic (so strong I could taste it in my mouth) – I got a few things off my chest at that time  although we’re talking about a conversation that lasted less than 2 minutes.

I knocked on their door with my apartment reeking of garlic and with the taste of it in my mouth—anyway, the very next day I started with a sore throat.

Their cooking smells, second hand hookah stink (if that nauseating smell is what I think it is) and germs make their way up to me way too easily—a compliment to the architect and builder of this complex!  May he have a long and happy laugh—which is sarcasm! 

The hyena Mumbai lady and her equally obnoxious partner (the pants-on-fire dude; see previous posts) are letting it rip today; shouting at the top of their lungs and minds—are they trying to goat me into coming down for another confrontation?  Sorry, too sick—don’t have the energy.  Besides, I approached them both once –no actually 3 times now and got nowhere—it’s like talking to a wall.

I want to go out of this apartment today—get out of here; but to escape where?  I don’t trust myself to drive being under Nyquil’s influence and I don’t want to make my family sick.  I joke with my grandson who is the one sent to the door with meds or food.  Not wanting him to get sick I will say to him:  “okay, son, set the bag down, put your hands in the air, then cover your mouth and back away slowly.”   Nobody in our family is sick–just me and the Mumbai’s.

One benefit to being here near my family versus being alone in the mountains is that my family helps me out at times like these.  I love my family.

There’s no doubt in my mind that my downstairs neighbors are being more obviously and purposefully vocal since they were told that their lease is not being renewed—apparently it was that.  At first, I thought it was their choice to move.  Apparently not,  or they wouldn’t be acting out the way that they currently are this past week!  The female right now as I type this is singing loud at the top of her lungs,  while she grinds up something in the blender—I suspect tobacco.  They’ve been loud and ugly plenty before,  but its all been escalating since last week.

I am going to do more writing more today  — no, not about this.  I’m going to utilize a blog topic that I’ve had in mind and convert it into a newsletter which is only 4 days late now!  Best get at it.  Maybe a movie later, I don’t know.

I’m stuck inside just like when I was a little girl – oh, and idea:  maybe I can download a good book on kindle later.  I’m very good at holding concentration now with music on and sleeping soundly with music on.  I’ve learned to tune my mind to IT in avoidance of their hyena yelps and ‘faster-than-a-speeding-bullet’ talking.

I just want to add that I totally don’t buy it!  You know?  I mean the argument about “It’s our culture to be loud, obnoxious and cook stinky food and not care about anybody else”.  Nope.  Don’t buy it.  Why? Because IN FACT they are NOT in their culture anymore—if they want to be, then why not return to India?  No excuse in my book!  Their right to act out and create stinks ends with my right to have reasonable quiet living environment and to breathe clean air. I wonder if a lawyer would have any kind of case in this situation?  Anyway…

I think the world map of astrology well, on a geodetic map… if I recall India is aligned with Leo which would account for the self-centeredness of my Indian neighbors.  I could be wrong about the Geocentric map Leo part—that’s not my forte’ astrologically but as for the rest, I stand behind it.  Only someone who lived in my apartment and walked my shoes knows what a year it’s been!  But the end is near! 44 more days.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 

Don’t we all want our mother to protect us and to fight our battles and take care of us—especially when we don’t feel well?  My own mother was not particularly nurturing,  but I do still call out for my mother on days like these–even if the response isn’t forthcoming, I think it’s human nature too want that nurturing and protection at times.

There is Divine Mother or Goddess or Kwan Yin or Tara that represent that same energy.  Sometime children act out (just as my Indian neighbors are) because they want their mothers attention or nurturing.  Today, I will try harder to be patient with my boisterous Indian neighbors by imagining their noise being their cry for their own mother.  I thought at first that they chose to leave this apartment and rent another either here or elsewhere but judging from the recent escalation of their voices and parties etc., it may not have been their choice at all.

I wonder if a lawyer would have a case to make about the air exchange in this place.  None of my family is sick but down below me they are coughing and hacking like myself — it was the same way last year but I don’t recall the cough and cold being this severe.  Likely they are blaming me as I am blaming them for the germ exchange when really if fingers are pointed in this case, it should be toward the apartment complex itself.

I am not interested in that–only that they are moving! And for that,  I am most grateful.  Funny.  I went in the very day they made arrangements to move to ask how i could possibly get out of this lease–do i have any options I said?  And the rental girl said, they came in this morning and finalized their lease, they’re moving.  There was someone in her office and I could tell she didn’t want to discuss it further.  So…

Will it be to another apartment here in this complex? or elsewhere?  I don’t care as long as they are no longer under my feet!  amen!  and thank you Divine Mother!

And now my coffee has gone cold and my throat seem to be calling for something warm to soothe it so I bring us to end to end of this chapter.

Humor helps in dealing with stresses

airplane taxiHumor helps in dealing with stresses

Funny how certain things in life we simply don’t seem to hear, isn’t it?  I used to live on a fairly busy highway.  Even though people suggested to me before I moved-in that the sound of the traffic would be noisy or busy or a bother, I didn’t care.  I liked the house and actually enjoyed the moving traffic passing by.   Yet, if I hear a chain saw or anything that sounds like it or a human voice–it’s a totally different story.  It just is.  I’d rather hear a pack of dogs bark all night long that this loud Indian couple bantering and fussing for hours on end!  No really—they talk and talk and talk and then talk some more, non-stop hour after hour and on and on.  How about reading a book or SOMETHING? Anything!  (My current working theory is that it was a forced marriage and they are still hashing out whose fault it is–its just that the mind really wonders what they could go on about for so long and with such ….. well, lets leave it at that.)

I’m employing all types of tools and methods to deal with the stresses of certain sounds and noises these days.  Take for instance the other night.  Humor works and sometimes I can “crack myself up” as the saying goes!

The downstairs neighbors (a loud mouthed couple from India–pardon how I said that but it’s true) were getting louder as I was about to get into bed.  Great!  Here we go again!  My tried-and-true method to muffle into silence their Mumbai-mumbling-mouths involves turning up the fan on the central air unit, then putting the floor fan on high, AND the air purifier too for the benefit of THAT white noise as well.  All that, as sometimes happens, didn’t do it! I could still hear their very loud voices.   The task of drowning out the sound of their mouths completely was going to require the calling forth of the duty of the dishwasher!

Once it’s all going at the same time, the place is really rocking with white noise.   In fact, so much so that my apartment sounds like a jet engine!  Rolling off on that thought, as I kicked off my slippers, turned back the covers on my bed, switched off the light announcing, “Ladies and gentleman this is your captain speaking, welcome to cosmic airlines, we’ve been cleared for take off,  please fasten your seat belts, and enjoy your flight…”  I felt asleep laughing.  Humor helps dealing with stress.

(So does the fact that their VISA will run out soon and they will have to go back to India!  Hasta la vista baby!  Can’t happen too soon for me!  Meanwhile… humor!)  I know it’s NASCAR country here too and that Jimmy Johnson just won the Daytona 500, but I’ve developed a huge dis-taste for Lowe’s (employer of the Indians in this town).  I am personally boycotting Lowe’s as a way to make myself feel better about the noise, not that I really ever shopped there anyway…but still.  Opps… suddenly seem to have lost my sense of humor again! LOL  Change!  Grrrrrrrrr!!  Or as my Buddhist friend has said, “Om Dammit OM!”  (This blog is another tool in dealing with my stress as well.  And yeah, yeah, I know it’s all illusion or mental projection or just life as it is in the big city.  Still, I also know that a girl’s gotta’ do what a girl’s gotta’ do!)

PS — if some big exec at Lowe’s Headquarters reads my blog   and wants to buy me out of my lease, you can contact me through my website. What are the chances?  ha ha

Paranoia or Psychic Perception – Maybe Both

Contemplation Image
Contemplation

Paranoia or Psychic Perception – Maybe Both.  Here’s the contemplation…

Alright, I’ll admit.  Today wants to end on a sour note, but I won’t let it!  All was going well until late in the day, my granddaughter came home from school in a snit (she’s only 9 after all, has a head-cold and should probably be given benefit of the doubt) followed momentarily by the downstairs  couple who forgot they weren’t out in the middle of the field in India as they came in from work.  Indoor voices people!  Geesh!  And while reading this stuff might be having the superior, significantly-spiritual type clucking the tongue away and shaking their head, maybe even with a sly smile on their face—let’s not rush to judgment about these things.

Is it my paranoia or true psychic perceptions that cringe when realizing some folks have taken that smile that starts to form at the side of their mouth when they hear these challenges that the mountain yogi me dealing with this daily distraction stuff!  Ha! One person said, “Easy to do it when you’re up in the mountains in seclusion but not so easy NOW, is it?” As if I’m now experiencing life for the very first time!

Wasn’t born yesterday my friends and I’ve been there, done that—after all, I raised three teen-age daughters on my own.

I come back into it now, however, realizing exactly what it all is—as before—but on much deeper levels.  Now I see it as mind being irritated, mind being restless, mind being frustrated (no me) and what a view of it all I have!  Can’t get this kind of stuff in a monastery you know!

For it’s the mind that is irritated—not me!  And I’d have not come this far without my granddaughter and the noisy couple from India.  Never would I have had this kind of ‘in your face’ stuff at these levels and in the perfect timing for me to reach these understandings with it all.  Beautiful actually—just beautiful.

All kinds of things happen—the just do.  Do I necessarily cause them to happen?  Life.  It just happens.  We choose our reaction—the Buddha taught all that jazz.

Oh, I can hear the spiritually significant tongue-clucker now—influenced by all the new age book mumbo-jumbo.  “You attracted your circumstances; it’s your karma!”  Well, partially true if we consider our desire to evolve perhaps; but even if we don’t.  Life unfolds as a matter of circumstances that we simply are privy to witness and we can only change our attitude about it.  (Unless we want to be arrested for assault and battery—a bit of humor.)

What matters is the attitude and not the events—the world is full of desires and fears and pain and suffering and people generally reacting to it all the time.  Today, my granddaughter and more times in the past few months than I can count, my downstairs neighbors are perfect examples.

And me too.  My desire is for quiet and like the Rolling Stones as well as the Buddha have said, “Can’t get no — satisfaction.”  Not from the outer world.

So where is it—it is beyond the world, even beyond the inner world—beyond mind.

Oh, you could say I’ve gone out of my mind and you’d be totally correct on some levels.  I’ve realized that place that is beyond mind and all from humans pushing me there in so many ways so-to-speak.

me comicI’ve also gotten hold of memory—the meaning.  We mistake that we are this group of memories that we have created an ego structure out of.  I’ve given this a good deal of thought since the Indians below me triggered a number of childhood memories and stimulated a fair number of unpleasant dreams, a few out-and-out nightmares.  This causes one to question the nature of memory and dreams; but mostly memory in this case since hold a few and identify ourselves thus creating structure out of those aspects of mind and then say, “This is me; who I am”.

If our memories were our true identity then you’d think we’d remember more than we do—such as what you had for dinner last week or what you did on the 4th of last June.  Unless something memorable, you don’t remember.  What IS memorable, we structure an identity out it and call it “me”.  It’s okay for getting by here but we have to remember it is illusion—and the ego’s reading this are screaming in your heads, “Not me!  I AM REAL.”  That’s okay; I wasn’t always ready for this understanding either.

Maybe it’s all about me getting ready for the inevitable event that we all face someday—death.  It’s going to be easier to let go of this identity structure if we’ve realized all along it wasn’t real in the first place.

Here’s something C said in reply to a question about wanting to live, “To live, to die—what meaningless words are these!  When you see me alive, I’m dead.  When you see me dead, I’m alive.  How muddied up you are!” 

Enough about death—before I loose subscribers!  People don’t like this subject.  About memory, I like this quote:  Use memory, don’t let memory use you!  I should put that one on Facebook.  Anyway, family stuff being triggered is all for the purpose of realizing its memory that I’m overly identified with—it’s all been very good spiritual fodder or grist for the mill as the saying goes.  We need that grist to keep ourselves in true awareness—so tongue-cluckers who think you’ve got it made in the shade because you’ve read all the books and had a few evolutionary experiences and intellectually think you’ve GOT  IT, maybe not so much or there’s always deeper layers and this has been a good one, still is.

The bottom line is we do not need to be set free—we already are.   It is our identification with our body and the structure we created from memory that we over-identify as “me” and our desires that keep us going round and round again, lifetime-to-lifetime, which keeps us from the clarity that we were never born and never die.

All I can say to spiritually significant elite-ist tongue-cluckers is that understanding this intellectually is one thing and living it in the face of human intensity and applying it—well, how deep down the rabbit hole do we go?  With each intense experience, I have deeper realizations that do not come from a book but from my own experience, my own mind but not even there… from a place where I am totally out of my mind.  Hard to describe unless you’ve been there, done that.

I’m grateful when I can be in the right place with it all and when not, I realize I will be—eventually, all in good time.  Patience and perseverance, virtues!

By the way, I am celebrating walking normally this week!  I can wear a regular shoe and barely limp at all; as the illusionary body heals and repairs my broken foot illusion here!  Have a great week dear friends of Light!

(Excuse me now while i light illusionary candles to absorb the illusionary cooking smells from the illusionary neighbors!  laughing as I go… one more desire released… no longer desire to visit India!  See, everything has a great purpose!  ha ha)