The Body Intelligence

The body intelligence is the name of this bit of writing; best that could be for the moment, this day and time.  Anyway . . .

The flu!  The wretched thing!  Seems a few years now since even a head cold entered my bodily private domain.  Yet, it gives time for writing, contemplating and if my energy holds up later maybe even painting (pastel artwork).  Sometimes, however, it can be good to practice death. No, this isn’t me being overly dramatic—just listen a moment.  You can’t turn from it even though you would rather not be anywhere in its shadows, yet inevitably the body will shut down sense organs one after another.  NO wait, don’t stop reading.  Because oh, but what a gift close encounters, even if they are not our very own (family, friend or foe who may be sick or in a phase of transition—but no, let’s say the really scary word, death!) . . . like I was saying, any encounter with the endpoint from any distance offers us a gift if we keep our eyes open!  What gift?  Embracing the opposite of course – Life!  A deeper and more joyful appreciation of good health and the ability to do something, anything, which comes from our ‘creative-will’ our personal expression of ‘life’ – even if that is only a pleasant conversation with another.  Any expression of being alive on any level that is possible can potentially become a truly joyous event.

The local hospital has accepted me as a volunteer and promoted me to be the top person for patient relations.  The job is not as impressive as the title may sound.   Actually,  it only involves offering a smile, a hello and passing out a card from the auxiliary and offering magazines, newspapers, crossword puzzles and the like.

Yesterday here at home, life played out with chills and fever next to a pile of Kleenex feeling as if my throat was on fire was another glimpse, another close encounter – another good practice for the last page in the last chapter of this life as I know it to be now.  And my thoughts wandered to the hospital patients as it does now writing this.

And, of course, as one could expect, with fever back to normal today, am gifted with a deeper appreciation of life and the ability to affect the lives of others and my own in a positive way.  To create, to play, to appreciate, to breathe life into this body deeply and with more gratitude for the vehicle that enables my stay here upon the good earth.

People who know me or follow my posts are familiar with the mention of the history of losing consciousness; yep, I’m one of those “fainters”.  Physical or emotional overwhelm and out I go!  I realize how this is like a mini-death of sorts and one of the last times (in the hospital ER with an acute bladder infection), there was this awesomely peaceful kind of limbo state, vast and not-empty but full somehow.  No words can describe it.  Voices were calling me back into this world and I did not wish to return.  On another occasion, when I lost consciousness due to a gall bladder issue, a “code” was called because I could not be revived after losing consciousness.  That time, however, I didn’t recall the blissful openness and fullness as the time before.  My point here?  Forgive this writer still under the influence of Nyquil cold and flu medicine.  Well, I guess, my purpose in writing this has to do with me being grateful for these moments in which the body and I get to practice our final act.  Meanwhile, there is a turning toward life with eyes of gratitude.

One final thing.  It’s floating around in this woozy head and I’d like to try to grab at it the next time if floats by.  Here we go.  It has to do with the shutting down part.  How to say it?  Like yesterday, the focus was deeply inward – the body seemed very busy focusing on itself – dealing with the invader flu.  I guess in the death process (oh, this is how the Tibetans tell it and in the Book of The Living and The Dead), how the various bodily senses begin to shut down.  The body, I’d assume, is very preoccupied doing this – and there’s not much energy for anything in the external world.

Body intelligence is pretty amazing.  Think about it.  The body knows how to keep its balance, digest food, breathe – oh, so many things – without your or me consciously telling it to!  A good thing too, I’d say!  The body knows how to get a spoonful of food into the mouth straight away without us having to give directions—a little to the left, no down a little—in other words, the food doesn’t go into our eye or nose; the body knows what to do without our conscious mind directing.  Recovering from illness or shutting down to go into transition, it’s the same way.  The body and soul know what to do.

No big summary ending.  There’s only me picturing the self in the act of sorting through my pastel colors and placing them in trays according to color and hue.  So off I go with my box of Kleenex and a project to do, celebrating life all the way through!

Being Called to Pause in Reverence for the Sacred Gift of Life – Solar Eclipse in New Moon Pisces at the Spring Equinox 3-20-15

ECLIPSEBeing called to pause in reverence for the sacred gift of life – Solar Eclipse in New Moon Pisces at the spring exuinox

It’s just over a month since the last blog–time flies.  The New Moon (Pisces) Solar Eclipse Spring Equinox thing carried forward (for me anyway) a theme that I’d been contemplating since before the New Year.  A theme of thinking about how precious each moment of our life is and how easily we take it for granted.   You hear people kvetching about their ‘soul mate’ or the ‘perfect job’ or carrying on about not ‘getting theirs’, whatever they think they must have to experience peace, happiness, joy, satisfaction and bliss.  Boy-O-boy its just never enough sometimes, you know?  “If only I could ____ or they would ____ or she/he didn’t _____” and meanwhile where’s the appreciation for life itself gone?  Where?   Sometimes we need a crisis to get it back or a crisis to raise what’s there even higher.

I always try to elevate suffering or mishaps or misfortunes of any kind–maybe that’s old Catholic training (‘offer it up for the soul’s in purgatory’–the nun’s would say) and of course Buddhist (more my own cup-of-tea as I age) speak of Tonglen Meditation with sufferings of any type (same principle).   So that’s why I write this blog to today, to elevate something.

So where were we?  Yes; revering and honoring the sacred gift of life.  Nothing takes away from that like bitching (sorry to be frank) about what you don’t have or what you want.  Boy–talk about lowering a vibe and being irreverent  and  not appreciative of the gift of one’s life!

And its not always about the relationship partner, the perfect job, benefit’s package or home with a view that keep folks out of tune with the cosmos, religious or so-called spiritual folks seeking the ‘highest dimension’ or ‘enlightenment’ can be just as distracted.

I’m talking about the simple things like that ability to breathe in and out!  Yeah, let’s go down to that level.  Our life is so precious and also so vulnerable and can change is a flash–in the blink of an eye.  We don’t want to think about it of course.  But all around us at any given time we see evidence of how quickly life can change or (yes it does) end completely.

I live near a main road that is in between the local hospital and the downtown area. The sound of the ambulance is frequent reminding me how someone’s life just changed.  Last year I had a dramatic response to a flu/virus and passed out from weakness and high fever–as I was loaded into the ambulance I wondered if it was to be the time of my exit from this life.

The truth is that absolutely anything can happen to us at any time and that’s my message and the message of this solar eclipse in Pisces — don’t take life for granted!

The Solar Eclipse underscored that for me this week, really driving the point home, putting that exclamation point at the end.

For months now, each day the appreciation of life and the sacred gift that it really is… our breath, or body, our movement, our each and every ability and talent… how it is woven into the fabric time and into everyone else’s life too… how interconnected we all are yet how vanishing it can all be since we and all of life are simply energy and consciousness playing out and anything and everything can change in a heartbeat.

I almost went down that road again but it wasn’t a road–more like a side alleyway.  And that little jog off the the main path of my life drove home the point and I felt that I really must write about it here, now.

Pisces Moon, by the way, at the time of this new Moon eclipse was at 29° –a culmination point.  It’s like dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s so-to-speak and for me it was regarding a realization of what I’d been working with or coming to grips with.  (And for astrology buffs–the Sun/Moon were in my 8th house, naturally ruled by Pluto/Scorpio, Lord of the Underworld.)

You know, people can give lip-service to how precious life is but not really getting it on an experiential level.  My life-partner of 22-years who is the father of my 3 daughters crossed over to spirit world this year and those ambulances go by each and every day.  On Facebook there are “friends” who post when a loved one is ill or injured or dying–we shouldn’t shut out or ignore those reminders around us but look straight at them and use them to pause in reverence for the sacred gift of life.

The deeper contemplation is how our mind’s are constantly drawn outward through the senses.  Yet, at certain times (and I recently had one of those) we are able to attain the vision of the undying self again.  I say again because there have been numerous sightings.

It was a few days after the New Moon Solar Eclipse and Spring Equinox of March 20, 2015 (a few days ago) when I suddenly (and I do mean suddenly!) fell ill.   I am still recovering here as I write this from a cold/flu that came on fast with chills/fever.  It came swiftly like last year–the chills. It was a rather cold and rainy night and none of my children were responding to my texts or calls and none have an extra key to this new place.  (I keep forgetting to get extra keys made.) What if that which happened last year happens again?  What if I loose consciousness with high fever?  

(for the record, I’m not afraid of dying–just don’t want my body discovered by my children days later–gross; but its the truth)

I had turned my heat setting up to 74 degrees and was wearing layers of clothing and a head covering beneath layers of down comforters and still was shivering cold just like last time.  I was alone.  There was nobody but the angels knowing of my condition, but luckily the major muscle aches and fever broke around 4 am and normal heating and cooling returned to the body–whew!  I’m now, as I write this,  left with headache, some stiff neck, sneezing, sniffling and stuffiness; but hope to raise all of that up to higher benefit by writing this blog today in hope that someone out there pauses, as I recently have, to consider the sacredness of life.

The whole time I lay in bed awake and alone (but for my angels and guides) with the chills of fever in the night, I realized how much I had really been appreciating life lately.  I was being called to pause in reverence for the sacred gift of my body which had been responding so well to my meager training at the gym and the physical vehicle which  provided lift and jaunt for a recent day hike around the zoo with my family.  How precious my body is!

I’ve always thought of these eclipse times as cosmic ‘attitude adjustments’–major life theme patterns change.  There are times when kvetching just isn’t part of the picture–call those times when our usual monkey-mind victimization talk is eclipsed somehow by Life Itself and  we come away from the experience with a whole different perspective.

We can most fully appreciate the sacred moments of our life when we are not attached to them, realizing they can change again in an instant.

Words from the Life of a Psychic and Form is Emptiness

Form is nothing but emptiness

Emptiness is nothing but form

Word from the Heart Sutra which holds my life together.

Form is Emptiness
Form is Emptiness

Here I go again–using this blog to sort out my personal life.  Therapy for an “off” day here and there I suppose.  Maybe that’s it.  Write it out and it is released.  Not energized further.  No.  Released, that’s all–sorted out and seen for the silliness that it is, the illusion that it is.  Maybe this post could be called something like ‘The Life of a Psychic’ or some such.

BLOG INTENTION, ASPIRATION:  Yeah, but in the spirit of Tonglen, knowing others out there feel this way from time to time or there are those who know this feeling right now just as I do.  Hello to you and may this feeling for us all and package it up and see us all being free of it, having compassion for you and for all those who feel a bit disoriented or perhaps are also in the midst of a move… whatever it is you are experiencing may we know that we are not alone… there are always many others who also go through this and may we all be relieved of this suffering or uncomfortable feelings such as they are… and may we all come to contentment and peace and may I be part of that process through my love and compassion for us all as we move through uncertain times. May this blog in some way be helpful to you.

Here it is, this feeling I’m sorting out or trying to heal.  And the internal feeling comes from attachment to  STUFF, yeah, form appearances–things.  Actual material things.  I told you this is silliness being sorted out here!  I already feel better really looking at this using some logic and intellect to soothe the …. well, the what?

Beyond what words can show, it is.  How about a picture to describe it?  A bit like the scarecrow from the story ‘The Wizard of OZ’.   That scene where parts of him were over here and over there and some he didn’t know where!

No, I’m not falling apart but rather I am realizing this whole Buddhist thing about the non-self and yeah, attachment too.  How can part of me be in a storage unit (we took a lot of boxes and things, forms) and loaded them in the vehicles and unloaded them into a storage unit.  As I tried to fall asleep last night I kept flashing on the dark rainy rows of storage structures and the number on my own with the lock and my things inside.  Yeah, it felt like parts of me were there, haunting my ‘things’ in some way.

Another part of me was hanging around my sister’s apartment, haven spend some hours at her place over the weekend helping her clean and pack.  Yet still, another aspect of consciousness was hanging around the new apartment that we’re going to that is getting updated appliances, new carpet, paint and so forth–do I really belong there?  Where is my place when I also see flashes of the last few things leaving this apartment unit.  I’m all over the place!  Like I said, silliness in the life of a psychic.

I’m feeling a wee little bit like crying (its mild), but have no real down-home authentic reason but for the fact that I’m feeling homeless and even without a self, more like a floating spirit neither here, nor there, everywhere and nowhere.  And the Buddhist teachings speak of emptiness in view of it holding form and formlessness such that everything is actually non-real as if it were a Moon’s reflection in the water.

I think again of that song of enlightenment, “All these form, appearance emptiness; like a rainbow with a shining glow…”

And one of the other lines is “Just let go, and go where no-mind goes.”  

Taffy pullI guess I’m having to do that a bit as I feel pulled in many directions like taffy.  Pulled, stretched, thinning out…. and definitely no place to ground.  The lessons of impermanence and non-self and forms being emptiness by appearing just the same… these are all being re-enforced within me.

At the same time, it feels like my solar plexus is torn a bit.  Here I am looking at an application, another one, for an apartment that I applied for on April 2nd and last week I found out my application was nowhere to be found.  I now have to fill out a new one!

Meanwhile, I am trying to visualize how I will fit all my necessary “stuff” into the master bedroom of the apartment that I’m sharing with my sister and her daughter, a teenager!   I feel grateful to have a place to go.

GRATITUDE:  I CAN DO this, of course I can and am so grateful to have some shelter so that I’m free to go without having to break a lease just as soon as I get a call from one of the many places upon which my name is on the list.

fill out the formAnd so the story goes.  Maybe I feel a bit better for writing it out?  My tummy is still topsey-turvey but I’m telling myself to enjoy the experience such that it is.  I’d better get that application filled out (another form—“all these forms”— and anyway get it resubmitted.  Forms are only emptiness.

 

“…just let go. And go where no-mind goes!”  

Form is nothing but emptiness

Emptiness is nothing but form