Autumnn Leaves and Contemplation is a Continuious Meditation

Autumn ArtOur meditative mind continues after our formal meditation time of reflection.  I’ve learned that when we stop the formal meditation sitting, we still reflect–and if we don’t we should.

That’s what the meditation teachers tell us and like so many times as it happens in my life, the realization is my own experience FIRST and then I read it somewhere in a book–the very same thing.

So the books, the teachers of meditation who write those, say we should keep in a state of mediation and reflection going at all times.

To be fair, I’ve always been that way—from the time that I can remember thinking, I’ve reflected on just about everything in life as it happens (or at least shortly after).

I thought of that yesterday when I became what we used to call a “Lookey Lou”.  That is, when my daughter drove me back to the mountains to see the fall leaves.

And they were brilliant and beautiful, especially up on Grandfather Mountain yesterday! I am so grateful to have gotten to go back home for a little while.  

We hiked too and in that activity you have to continually look down so you don’t trip on a tree root or rock or log so the view of dead leaves upon the ground provided an opportunity to contemplate and reflect on impermanence.  It was, in effect, the continuation of meditation.

We humans are, essentially, no different from the leaves–our color peaks too and we will all eventually shrivel up and drop too.

Meditation helps us to raise the mind to the level of constant contemplation.  Of course, we contemplate joyful and beautiful things about life too… not always impermanence.  My point is that whether we walk, stand, sit or lay our head down upon a pillow, everything we do or see enables us to contemplate life if we are aware of mind to start with and then Life Itself becomes a meditation.

And this little piggy went all the way … to the Emergency Medical Care Center

And this little piggy went….. all the way (not home) to the Urgent Medical Care Center

thisLittlePiggy

I had a few head’s up which I apparently… well, the first one I mis-interpreted (darn dreams anyway!) and the second one? Ignored!  And the third one shrugged away.

I roared laughing at as I buddy wrapped it this morning.  What’s that little rhyme?  “Poor little piggy”, I thought.  All red and the left half of the foot all black and blue, “poor little piggy.” 

I had a dream around the time that the downstairs Indian neighbors got my full attention with their yelling and door slamming—between the 7th and 14th.  Rarely do I dream specific dates like that.  Maybe it was wishful thinking that I attributed the 14th as the date one of them was leaving –  I thought it was her.  I’ve been holding out hope that this would happen.  Instead, something else happened!  Dude, really?  It certainly did—at least in my apartment.  What happened in there’s—don’t know and don’t care.  All I know is that last night the Hindu chants to Ganesh played on low volume on the desktop computer in my room until 4 am and no bad dreams for the 2nd night in a row.

Anyway, I wrote something about it yesterday morning—I think on Facebook—something about well, it’s the 14th and nothing has changed downstairs.   I glanced at my transits in my astrology software program over the weekend and there is Saturn sitting right on top of the wounded healer Chiron—EXACT DEGREE AND MINUTE CONJUNCTION when my little accident happened. 

Yeah, I’m looking at it right now 10 degrees 29 minutes:  exact conjunction to the minute of Saturn with Chiron!  Yeah, don’t you know that Saturn rules THE BONES and Chiron is the wounded healer asteroid or comet-oid or whatever they call him these days.  Pretty clear indication of a possible bone wound, eh?  Both in Scoprio of course (WHY NOT GET PLUTO INVOLVED!?)

Well, if you’re going to have an accident with your bone crushed, best you have it in your own bedroom rather out on the highway somewhere.  As usual, it could always be worse—love that phrase, and it’s true—it always could!

I was waiting for my sister to come from work to go with me to the emergency room or somewhere for an X-ray to confirm what I already knew—broken.  Shattered or comminuted (spiral fracture) was not suspected by me, but don’t we love those additional details?  Ha ha.

I looked at my feet generally and remembered the message.  For days now I kept hearing in my mind—better do those toenails!

And dealt with that one this way… “Later, and besides, it’s not exactly sandal weather.  I’m always wearing socks. So, later.” 

I really had to laugh as I sat there clipping, filing and polishing my toenails in that state of shock and pain.  Why didn’t I listen to my Self telling myself to do a pedicure?!  Ah well, that’s how it goes, doesn’t it?  It all makes sense AFTER the fact, right?

FLASH:  I’ve now learned to walk backwards since it hurts much less that way and besides I can look down at my recently polished toes that I slapped polish over in a rush while in pain and laugh!

I’ve wanted to go home as anyone who reads my blog knows—you and my Facebook friends know that.  But laying on my bed yesterday afternoon as Saturn and Chiron were having their meeting in the sky and I was going into ‘shock and awe’ on my bed, I was glad then that I wasn’t alone up on the mountain.

Instead, my grandson was only 5 doors down, my granddaughter due to walk in the door within hours and the rest of the family would be home from work only a little bit later.  My whole family was here to help and that was a reassuring fact that very much outweighed my desire to return to the mountains at that moment!

THIS MORNING:  I had to cut the tape that the guy at the Emergency Center applied last night because the swelling overnight caused the tape to be too tight increasing the throbbing pain.  I soaked my foot in ice water first in my handy-dandy bucket and as I cut the old tape and went to apply the new,  I nearly grew faint thinking of how that little toe was just hanging way out to the side of my foot there after I banged it against the bed frame support.  As usual I was rushing—haste makes waste—and in changing the sheets on my bed, I wasted my pinky toe, crushing the bone in some place and breaking it clean off in another!

“Poor pinky”, I said as I apologized to it for what I did to it—on the predicted 14th of January, and without a pedicure, and with Saturn conjunct Chiron to the exact degree and minute!—“poor little toe!”  As I buddy-taped my little pinkies toe to the next toe over carefully and apologetically a short time ago, I thought… “What is it we’d say to the babies when they were little?  How does that little rhyme go?”

And then laughing out loud and remembering the strong growing desire to go home to the mountains since a loud Indian neighbor couple moved in below me, I remembered it:    “… and THIS little piggy went wee, wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home!” 

Like I’ve always said, the Universe has a sense of humor! that little piggy went (not home) but the the Emergency Center!

PS – at least it’s my left foot and I can still drive.  I have a huge boot I’m supposed to wear which seems like a bit of overkill but since my apartment is upstairs, probably not a bad idea to wear it sometimes.  I sure don’t want to bang it up any further, sore enough as it is and shattered into pieces.

SquaresMORE FOR ASTROLOGERS –– I don’t know if Saturn conjunct Chiron means a broken to the point of crushed bone for everybody else on the planet but it sure manifested that way for me!  In case you’re an astrologer and interested, transiting Saturn makes the conjunction to Chiron (which is also conjunct to Mercury natally) in the 3rd house—wanting to ‘go home’ would be a short journey of about 2 hours so in that way we could see the 3rd house relation to the Mercury, Gemini, Scorpio, Saturn, Chiron blend due to the disharmony of the neighbors (Libra on the cusp of the 3rd) and Venus in Libra is also in the 3rd

The transiting North Node (Scorpio) is currently upon my natal South Node in the 4th house and within 1 degree of an exact conjunction.  Now that I look at the transit chart, when this happened, the Moon was in Pisces when this happened making a conjunction with Transiting Chiron in Pisces. 

And now I have to go elevate my foot which is throbbing again despite the ice bucket dipping that I’m doing as I type.

The doc at the Emergency Care said I did a great job breaking my toe—you really smashed it and broke it off says he!  But then again, if you’re going to do something, I thought, may as well do a real big bang-up job of it.

I saw the Xray.  I did. 😦  Poor piggy…. and yeah, I think i got the message… OM darn it OM… i got the message.  Shouldn’t go live alone in the mountains!  I get it.  I guess.  Yeah, okay I GET IT!

The Zen Master, The Cow and The Young Indian Couple Downstairs Neighbors

december 29 2012 cow ice snowThere’s something about this photo of this icy cow moved me to open blank page on my blog and type.  Things are going fine while at the same time they’re not fine at all. There’s no escape.    But that has nothing to do with the cow at present.  Further explanation needed and forthcoming–hang on. For now let me say that cows are really interesting.  If you stop to look at them, they look back and there’s like a mesmerizing hypnotic-like psychic connection.  One day many years ago when home in the mountains, there was a good deal of anxiety and worry over money and a place to live.  In order to relive this, I went for a walk in the beautiful mountains and came to a pasture where cows were grazing.  The distinct memory that lingers has to do with conversing with the cow in an imaginative and dreamlike way offering to exchange my human life of money worries with hers of a pasture life.  We looked into each others eyes for a long, long time and then suddenly a bull ran directly at her and butted her to break up our energy exchange!  That little dream was over.  Looking at this picture now, I’d say pasture life may not be all it’s cracked up to be!   Still…

Maybe its human nature to want to be in a different pasture than one’s own.  It’s like a low-level discontent that we contend with when we say everything’s fine but not fine at all.  I’d venture to say that whatever is going on with any of us is likely very much intensified right now.  The Full Moon opposing the Sun/Pluto conjunction isn’t just any ordinary Full Moon… it was more exact yesterday by orb but still, the effects linger.   The desire to go home is stronger and something intense happening with my downstairs neighbor is too.

Apartment living cannot be compared to a house in the mountains in any positive way whatsoever–at least that’s how it feels at the moment!

Human behavior this close in to my living environ is not in the least bit interesting; in fact, it can be irritating which my best effort is engaged in not allowing at the moment.  I know more about the vocal, cooking and smoking habits of my downstairs neighbors than desired!  It amazes me that two people can dialogue on and on nonstop in those ways!  Are those young folks beneath me mirroring my own inner dis-satisfaction with my move here or simply adding to what is already there.  Sometimes, we don’t know what is mine and what isn’t when we are very sensitive to energies.  There was a very interesting post on Facebook recently:

zen student overcoming anger

A Zen student said to his teacher, “ Master, I have an ungovernable temper. Help me get rid of it.”
“You have something very strange,” said the teacher.
“Show it to me.”
“Right now I cannot show it to you.”
“Why not?”
“It arises suddenly.”
“Then it cannot be your own true nature,” said the teacher, “if it were, you would be able to show it to me at any time. Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”
Thereafter whenever the student felt his temper rising he remembered his teacher’s words and checked his anger. In time, he developed a calm and placid temperament.

This energy is not my true nature, it is not ‘me’, it is illusive; it comes and goes; it arises and dissolves back; it belongs to no one unless that one claims it as their own feeling and then inflames it further.  Maybe young Indian couples like bantering non-stop!  Perhaps this is a sport for them that is enjoyable as much as continual agitation can be.  I let it come up and pass out and do my best to send calming love and light beneath me in case they should wish to accept that; however, perhaps they are too distracted by their incessant dialogue to realize any other energy.

It all makes me miss the mountains even more and the more pasture-type of life of solitude and quiet.  Recent assurances that I am to go back home has been arriving in various forms, not the least being the non-stop mouthing young Indian neighbors.  Efforts to convince myself that one might be alternating reading aloud from a  book to the other have failed!  Ah, well I tried.

They pay rent as I do and each has a right to speak in their own apartment!  (But how can there be THAT MUCH to bicker about for that long? — i don’t get it.)  If their voices get very loud, as often happens, if I knock very lightly on the wall, then voices quiet for a while.  I think they do not realize–they’re young after all and into their dramas.  The young man smokes as many Indians seem to–they didn’t seem to get the memo about the Marlboro Man.  Whiffs of that drift up into my place as well as the spices they cook with, forcing me out of my sanctuary such as it is here.

As the Zen teacher says, Why are you allowing something that is not yours to trouble your life?”  I am using the bickering young Indian downstairs neighbors as teachers as much as I’d rather not–it is what it is.  My family, too, enable me to sit with stuff that gets triggered within my self.  Suddenly now, as I’m typing this,  there comes a recollection of an employment situation that I experienced some years ago.

Back then there seemed to be great unhappiness on my part going into work each day and at that time there was a strong desire to be free of that situation although I could not see practically or financially just how that could happen.  Yet, within me there was a strong inner knowing that the more I could make peace with the situation, the sooner I’d be released from it.  That same message echoed in my heart and mind each day when lamenting my lack of enthusiasm for going to work!

After months of resistance, finally there was a surrender within to find something fun and enjoyable and pleasant in the co-workers and the total environ.  And I maintained that over a period of time very consciously and then (YOU GUESSED IT), numerous situations occurred resulting in my being able to release myself!

That memory encourages me as well as the other indicators received that I will be going home to the mountains again.   Psychic predictive work, intuition and divination come in handy on a personal level too!  (Besides, my tarot cards don’t know how to lie.)  Meanwhile, not letting things that are not mine trouble my life!  In other words, it’s all in the mind, the attitude.  It is not the circumstances that upset a man, it’s the view that he takes of them! 

I’ve got to get a new view finder!  Happiness comes from within–not the absence of family drama, lack of human voices or the absence of dampness, mold or mice–dampness, mold and mice were part of the mountain house issue.  There is no escape!  One can only surrender to the external world and change the inner attitude in order to find peace, serenity and happiness.  Let me laugh at the family dramas, the loud smelly downstairs neighbors and the traffic and rest!  It’s all illusion anyway — may as well.  Or–mice or men?  mice or men? hmmmm.... what a choice!  Neither one!

Ahhwwwhkkkkjjkkhk…. and can’t you  just hear the glee of certain people who love to see this person struggle with it all?!  But that’s just it; there ‘is’ no person here, only energy playing out just like the weather plays out!  Certain conditions create certain weather–how much of it are we personally responsible for?  Weather is.  Downstairs couples who argue are.  The Sun is also out, the roads are clear and my car runs!

Ideas arise as suddenly as anything else!  and one has just arrived which causes me to end this silly diatribe now with the hope that something written here will serve some useful purpose to another in some way.   (If nothing else, this bit of a vent is one example of how a Cancer Full Moon can express–ugh!)

There’s always tomorrow….. and hope for a brighter day!