Day # 34 Change through Regeneration and Knowing When Change is Being Supported

Cells Regenerate

Every cell in the human body regenerates on average every 7 years; so biologically, we are brand new people every 7 years.  Most of the time we look the same and the change isn’t visible unless our self-image has changed (our inner picture of who we are), then sometimes the change is visible; but usually it isn’t.  And aside from minimal normal aging over a 7 year period–it’s still not usually that noticeable.  Anyway, biologically, change is imperative—like I said, about every 7 years we replace every cell in our body; it’s a medical fact. 

Biologically change is imperative as just described but then all change is imperative, isn’t it? 

Change is a necessity not a luxury; otherwise stagnation, non-growth and eventually death (in some way) will occur. 

I’ve been thinking about that as I make the final preparations to move off the mountain.  That and life-cycles and the number 9 representing endings and new beginnings—that category of thought has also been prominent.  I’ve been doing the visualization thing too and in cycles.  Maybe everybody does this and I wouldn’t know without taking some sort of poll, but here’s how it works for me.  When change is happening or about to happen or even when I’m involved in some sort of creative process (isn’t that all the same?), I seem to spend a day or so in a great activity and achievement and then I sort of shut down almost like I’m physically tired (although I am not tired actually—at least not physically) and I spend a day or half-day or sometimes 3 or 4 hours at rest having visions. 

It seems like the vision is necessary before I can actually accomplish it in physical reality.  For instance, yesterday evening, I felt the need to go to bed early but I did not sleep right away.  I was, in fact, visualizing myself driving off the mountain and seeing the mountains grow smaller in my rear view mirror and practicing how I was going to handle that experience and the accompanying feelings.  It was as if I was instructing myself in the best way to process that experience.

I saw myself driving into the town where I will be living and coached myself in how to deal with any feelings that may come up then too. 

I packed up my house in preparation to move in much the same way—periods of instructive type of rest that comes from a part of me that seems to be merging with me to direct the whole play, the entire affair.

One of my daughters went to check on the readiness of the apartment and took a video of the place, even though I had visited a similar unit in the past so I knew roughly where I was going.  It does help me to have watched the video so that I can put myself there with a grace and ease that I’ve prepared for.  Between now and the end of the week – I move in 4 more days—flashes of the video she showed me will play out in my mind as I merge my self and my belongings there. 

We mostly look the same with the biological changes that occur in the physical body every 7 years as every cell completely regenerates—this is because during those 7 years, a lot is occurring beneath the surface as cells die and regenerate.  The same thing seems to occur in other areas of life,  for I’d say that I was preparing for this change gradually and beneath the surface over the past 7 years (or 9 years actually) although from the outside there has been no evidence of it–until the past 34 days happened!

Just like one day you see a moving truck pull in or pull out in your neighborhood, it didn’t happen overnight.  Weeks and months of physical preparation occurred and probably years of subconscious preparation was going on too.  It’s like a couple who walks into divorce court one day—to the casual observer it appears sudden, but a lot of changes were occurring beneath the surface to arrive at that point.  And sometimes the couple themselves aren’t fully aware until a year or months before the actual day of the divorce, but they were working up to that point from the moment they said “I do” during the wedding ceremony.  Change is inevitable and it is imperative if there is to be growth and any type of re-birth at all and change is Life Itself.  As they say on Star Treck, “Resistance is Futile.” 

I sometimes want to laugh when people look for that long-lasting, unchanging situation or job or love partner or place to live.  Most of the time long-lasting isn’t in the cards and it’s a good thing—we need new experiences in order to grow and evolve.  It’s also how we can comfort ourselves when we think that times are bad—we can feel certain nothing will last forever, not even the so-called bad times.  Life is nothing BUT change and we suffer when we deny the impermanence of it all. 

my landlady
Saying goodbye to my landlady

Last Friday my landlady came to settle up with me as far as the security deposit and rent and to say goodbye.  That was an emotional day!  She accepted a little gift from me for being so nice over the years—I gave her a white blooming hydrangea [see photo].  Tears were part of that scenario. She and I and her mother were together in a Cherokee lifetime here in the mountains—she doesn’t believe in reincarnation but does not deny a strong connection between us. 

Anyway, I wasn’t done with tears however, because after my landlord left, I went to the post office to fill out a change of address form and found myself feeling sad about saying goodbye to someone who I usually made simple small talk with.  “Awwwh, you’re not moving are you?”  That’s all he said and that did it!  As I walked out the door after filling out the forms I turned and said, “It was nice knowing you…”, knowing I will likely never see that person again.  There’s a bit of sadness in that—letting go of the familiar, the routine, the comfortable.  I went to the grocery store after that and purchased a small basket of comfort food and came home to watch re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy followed by Anna and The King with Jodie Foster and now my face is breaking out like a teenager! 

I’m conceiving the astrology class metaphysically, creating it in my mind.  My grandson knows a lot about making and editing videos so maybe that can be part of the process.  I’m camera shy when I let my ego be too much a part the process so that will be a challenge! 

I guess this is all I am in the mood to write or have the time for right now.  I have clients to call back and best be moving on.  I am excited to be neighbors with my daughters and grandchildren and am reminding myself that even though paying the higher rent is going to be something I can go into great fear over being able to do, that worrying about it is… well, you know!

I think that we can feel as those final changes happen—that move or divorce or whatever it is—whether the change feels supported.  In other words, even though it may take 7 years or 9 years or even longer for the physical change to reach the surface where matter starts moving—it moves easily or not.  If it does move easily, then this is how I feel assured that the change is supported and/or fated or pre-determined.  I may not know the restructuring is happening for 7 or 9 years that the shift beneath occurs. And when change does happen, it seems sudden even though there have been (over time) minor intuitions or flashes or hunches.  When it does happen, it does seem sudden and is often accompanied by some uncertainty.  YET, and here’s my point, when the doors open, energy cooperates, events go smoothly and no obstacle stands in the way—one marvels at the seeming support that The Universe or the Divine Forces apparently give. 

Here’s the truth that I believe. It’s all been in the works all the while and has picked up speed like a train going down the mountain (pun intended) and it’s marvelous to marvel at!  Word repetition intended there too.  It can be genius and one stands there wonder-struck!  That’s change that’s imperative.

Okay, well there it is—my experience shared and accompanying thoughts here on Day #34 for whatever it’s worth.  I may not have time to blog again until I’m there in the new place, the upstairs tree house dorm room at the rental community that I’m calling Hogwarts!   I will watch for the changing staircases, mudbloods and muggles and all the rest and if you’re a Harry Potter fan, you know what I mean. 

There are only 3 more days up here where I’ve spent the last 15+ years.  On the 4th day it’s off to a new adventure.  A rebirth if you will – here’s hoping the new life is a good one!  It better be, it’s taken 9 years to prepare for it! 

Nice,  small,  e-z to clean,  cozy central heat and air apartment with a pool on the premises here I come.  Visualizing:    Oh, who’s that down there knocking on my door?  Why it’s one of my grandchildren with one of my daughter’s.  C’mon up you guys! 

Day #29 Dealing with Transitional Stages of Change! Moving within Organized Chaos!

Yeah, all right.  So there is freaking out just a little bit now.  It’s Day #29.  If you haven’t figured it out by now… I’m moving.  ‘Cats out of the bag’ as of right now.  Where in the world did that expression come from and why does it stick?   Anyway, there’s the big reveal—I’m moving.  Those last two words are pretty funny actually because right this minute, nothing is moving—it’s all just sitting here in boxes and bags and plastic containers.

I’m normally one of those “there’s a place for everything” kind of persons.  And last night I walked in circles around piles of containers and boxes looking for the one that contains the light bulbs!  I tried not to let it get on my nerves and reminded myself that transitions are like this—temporarily organized chaos!

Riddle me this, says the uncertain part of me.  Am I doing the right thing?  I have moments where I’m riddled with doubt and then along comes his friend, fear, and their cousin, apprehension.  We’re NOT going there with them; this will all be over soon! Besides, I have more than an equal amount of certainty that this IS the correct ‘move’.  So, what’s the issue?  It has more to do with that Venusian thing of what meets the eye–brown boxes are not exactly eye pleasingly beautiful home decor! 

I now realize how much energy I draw from my surroundings!  If everything is clean and organized and arranged in an eye-pleasing way with color, shape and balance, when the eyes meet the environment the mind, body and spirit feel soothed—or something.  Maybe soothed isn’t the right word exactly.  I find myself looking out the windows more lately and while I do this often anyway, I realize that I look away from the boxes to seek feelings of harmony by looking out at nature.  At least the trees, flowers and rocks have not changed!

Yeah, I know it’s temporary, but that’s not all that’s going on.  I’m blogging in order to try and figure it out—that’s how I work through things if you haven’t already noticed!   

I think it has to do with loose ends – too many of those but with just over a week to go, those can’t be tied up and just have to dangle.  I have to “let be what is” and be in my own is-ness.  And that can feel like letting more of this ‘stuff’ go and just floating away!  I’ve released so many things over the past 29 Days.  I’ve come across items that I didn’t even know were here and let go of other things by the truck load!  All I can say is that I will have a huge tax donation deduction this year!

It’s just being unsettled I suppose—I’m not here, nor am I there.  And ‘there’ has a certain unknown quality to it.  I have not been in the space yet where I will be living and I find that completely… well, I have to trust and hope and bring sage and sweetgrass to burn,  not knowing who was in that space before me.  That’s how they do it in the cities now—you rent a space without being in it and then wait for the previous person to move out.  Such is life in a rental community! 

I will, however, be aquainted with at least some of my neighbors—my daughters and grandchildren!  Yay!  And that’s the joyful part of all this!  No more worries about fog or snow getting up and down the mountain and no more missing their school plays and performances!  The pluses outweigh the minuses.  Besides, last winter up here was pretty rough all alone—many an eve I longed for a nice warm, cozy (dry!) apartment that’s easy to clean and easy to heat. 

All I’m saying is that this is an interesting place that I’m at emotionally and psychologically—neither here nor there.  I want to push time forward instead of waiting this last week. I’m ready to go NOW but have to wait for my family’s help.  The move-out date was selected weeks ago and everybody arranged their work and travel schedule to accommodate that. 

Thankfully there are clients calling for readings and this, for me, is just like looking out the window—I get to unplug from my own life and surroundings and help someone else.  It’s an escape for me in some ways. 

 I am looking at my two angel statue yard decorations sitting nearby.  I have them in a strong medal carrier ready for the journey.  One is child-like and posed reading a book, sitting on a pedestal; and I have to admit she’s my favorite.  The other angel is a larger standup version, holding a bunny rabbit in her arms.  Emotionally, I sort of feel like these angels… like I, too, am sitting in a medal cage waiting for moving day to be released from bondage! 

In my new place I will have an upstairs balcony apartment with a view of trees–it will be my tree house!  And since it’s going to be like a dorm room in amongst so many others that look like those old historic Brownstone’s of the Eastern cities, I’m calling the whole darn apartment rental campus “Hogwarts” (after the Harry Potter School of Wizardry).  The Brownstones where I’m moving are actually white and not brown, but it’s the architecture and the campus that’s similar to those of the Eastern cities.

I know happiness and boundaries are within the self and not the environ and this is what I am actually being reminded of here in these last 8 or 9 days–let’s call it a week; that sounds much better!

Part of my spirit is here, some of it is going over the switchbacks down the mountain yet another part is emotionally and mentally unloading boxes into the new place!  I’m everywhere!  And at the same time I am saying goodbye to this house and property that has sheltered my soul for 9 years—maybe there are too many days left to say goodbye!  No, I’m not sad about it especially when I remember how wet and cold this house was last winter despite my best efforts to keep a fire going! 

Hogwarts School of Wizardry resembles historic brownstone apartments

No more wondering if the firewood person is going to show up before I run out; no more worrying if the fuel oil is getting too low; no more pulling weeds, trimming bushes and mowing the lawn, no more shoveling snow to get out of the driveway, no more this or no more that.  That’s the known; but I have the unknown before me. 

My rent will nearly double and I’m not used to being around humans in a rental community; there’ll be an exchange of birds, bunnies and the like for humans.  Lots of them!  I will be less country and back to being “citified” again.  I’ve already had a few encounters with city duck-mentality!  (not pleasant)   Will it be a challenge to make these adjustments?

Yeah, I think too much and besides I’ve got clients calling and other tasks here needing my attention so I should end this. 

But before I do, I know there are others out there in cyber world ( like me) who are also in the midst of a transition.  I’ve been in this state numerous times in my life—after all, I’m 64 years old and ‘been there, done that’ is a phrase I’ve used a lot.  I’ve moved a number of times in my life and so I’m no stranger to it; but it’s been a while and I’d forgotten this feeling of being neither here any longer and not there yet. 

It’s quite like floating in the ethers—no gravity, nothing to ground in to but one’s own is-ness.  This is how death will be when the time comes; my own body will be like these boxes and containers.  Yeah, okay young readers will think that’s morbid, so no more talk about that. 

For those who may, like me, be in between this or that and not here anymore really but not there either—in other words, in transition… for you and for me, let me toss the coins and ask the i-ching for a word or sentence or two to help us while we’re in this phase.

Well, we received Kua 57.  It is called “The Gentle” or “Gently Penetrating”.  It is ‘The Sun’, doubled and is also called ‘two winds’—the first wind disperses negativity and the second wind changes attitudes.  The guidance is to take small steps toward the completion of small goals and be patient and persevering.  The message of this Kua is also about taking “the middle way” or the “middle path” and remaining gentle and free.

“Gentleness is flexible and free and not burdened by the maintenance cost of keeping a high-profile.”  That line makes me laugh a little bit considering an email that I received this morning which was really a spam advertisement.  If you are in my type of profession you know how you receive trick emails which at first seem as if someone would like you to be a guest on a radio show only to find it is gimmick to sell you a thousand dollars’ worth of radio time! 

I thought about it for a moment actually now that my living expenses will be higher—but that’s just not who I am.  It’s strange though because my natal chart indicates that my soul’s purpose is to work or earn a living in the public domain (10th house) by bringing Peace and Spirit in a grounded way onto the Earth.  Well, that’s a whole other blog now isn’t it?  Anyway, each time I consider doing a big public attention-getting blitz of some type, the end result is turning from it totally. 

Well, according to this Kua 57 I probably shouldn’t even publish this blog entry—it reads this way:  “This is not the best time to make sweeping changes or to announce future plans.”  I was tormenting myself about how to create a new class (in astrology) last night and then I thought about tarot classes and totally revamping my current psychic class, doing a better job with at least the sign up page.  Yeah, on and on it went and so I get it—let go of the idea of sweeping change right now.  Just get through this move first, silly!

ADVICE FOR HANDLING A TRANSITION:  During any transition the focus should be on adaptability as one remains tuned in to subtle and shifting  energy currents of change.  Keep a steady pace and make a routine as best as you can—do things that do not involve the mind too much.

HOLD THE VISION AND BE WILLING TO WAIT.  Don’t be overly confident or doubtful either.

Stay on the path of least resistance for now and merge with the meandering course of the Tao in any way that it shows up right now! 

One final word from the i-ching:  in order to see the bigger picture when we are in transition we must periodically create some distance between the self and the forest.  Only then is it possible to see the trees and where we stand in relationship to them. 

Let “Is-ness” be the only “business”!

Feel better?  C’mon we can do this!  Its only death and rebirth after all. 

BESIDES, we simply go where we’re sent!  Right?